S01E04 - For the Children

Right, that's it. I'm done with you being a prick to everyone. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Ted: Coach, tell these boys what the first rule of my fight club is. Coach Beard: No fight club! (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Rebecca: Table four is done and shall from now on be known as the boring table. Higgins: But that's where I'm sitting. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Sharks and Jets. You think these fellas could solve their problems with a dance-off at a gymnasium? Course, if memory serves, Riff and Bernardo ended up getting knifed to death at that particular event. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Ted: Nate the Great! He's gonna be my date! And for obvious reasons, we'd love to be at table eight! (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Fashion's all about confidence. If I didn't have any confidence, I never would've worn pajamas to my prom and ended up in jail the rest of that night. But you don't wanna hear that story, so I ain't gonna tell it. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Hey, uh, thank you, guys, so much for taking my picture. What are your names? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Aw, look at her. She's fu$king fit! (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Ted: Don't strut. Let the suit do the work. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Ted: I had a hunch you were gonna pick this dress. And may I say, you are wearing the heck out of it. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Ted: Look, there's Beard over there. That's his new gal, Jane. Yeah, they met at his Friday night chess club. Apparently, they liked each other's moves. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

When it comes to locker rooms, I like 'em just like my mother's bathing suits. I only wanna see 'em in one piece, you hear? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

If his brain was on fire, I wouldn't piss in his ear. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

It's actually only the second suit I've ever owned. The first one was my suit when I was a naked baby. Sorry, it's funny when Ted says it. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Mate, I've done these before. If she bids over 3,000, you will have to f#ck her. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

You know how they say that "youth is wasted on the young"? Well, I say don't let the wisdom of age be wasted on you. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Roy: Why is your face so close to mine? Nathan: Well, my initial plan was to hug you, but I just chickened out just now. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Love of a sports team is a lifetime obsession. Kinda like your best friend's older sister, right? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Hey, Rupert, something just occurred to me. If you could've texted Robbie Williams asking him to come tonight... you could've probably just as easily asked him not to come. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Rupert: The highest bidder gets to spend a day at a swanky hotel by the pool drinking frozen daiquiris and soaking up the rays... Roy: No, we said there's no daiquiris and no rays. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)