S02E05 - Rainbow

No: 15  |  Season: 2   Episode: 5  |  Air Date: 20-Aug-21  |  Runtime: 38 mins


After a meek Nathan complains about not being able to get a table at a restaurant, Keeley and Rebecca teach him how to be more aggressive. Ted asks Roy to help a player who is having difficulty, eventually leading Roy to reconsider his role with the Richmond team. Rebecca's online relationship with a mystery man heats up.

Director and Writers

Director: Erica Dunton
Writers: Bill Wrubel


Nathan: This is my mom and dad's favorite restaurant and Friday's their 35th wedding anniversary, Jade.
Jade: How do you know my name?
Nathan: Oh, I don't. That's what the 35th wedding anniversary is... Jade.

Jeff: Roy, your old mob in Richmond, uh, struggling. There are a lot of theories as to why that might be. One that's gaining traction is a lack of leadership from your successor as captain, Isaac McAdoo.
Roy: Isaac's a good lad. He'll find his way.
George: You know, under Ted Lasso, Richmond, well, they're like a woman behind the wheel... completely lost!
Roy: George! Didn't you lose your license drink driving?
George: That was an allergic reaction to my medication.
Roy: The same medication that made you piss your pants?

Nathan: I would really like the window table, you know, just to impress my dad.
Jade: I'm sorry. I can't guarantee a reservation for the window table.
Nathan: I know Roy Kent, if that's...
Jade: Is he your dad?
Nathan: No.
Jade: Well, please let us know if Mr. Kent ever wants the window table.

Ted: People saying there's something wrong with us. Not the way I see it, okay? And here's why: I believe in communism. (players murmur) Rom-communism, that is.
Bumbercatch: What is rom-communism?
Ted: Well, Bumbercatch, it is a world view that reminds us that romantic comedies with folks like Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan or, uh, Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant or... Who am I missing, Coach?
Coach Beard: (sighs)
Richard: Drew Barrymore?
Thoreaux: Matthew McConaughey, obviously.
Ted: All right, all right.
Jamie Tartt: The three Kates.
Colin: Yeah, Beckinsale, Hudson, Winslet.
Nathan: You forgot Blanchett.
Coach Beard: Different spelling.
Sam: I enjoy Renee Zellweger and all the Bridget Jones movies. Mmm. I mean, her accent is pitch perfect and her gift of physical comedy is grossly underrated.
Ted: Word!

Ted: Point is, fellas, if all those attractive people with their amazing apartments and interesting jobs, usually in some creative field, can go through some lighthearted struggles and still end up happy, then so can we.

Ted: Gentlemen, believing in rom-communism is all about believing that everything's gonna work out in the end. Now these next few months might be tricky, but that's just 'cause we're going through our dark forest. Fairy tales do not start, nor do they end in the dark forest. That son of a gun always shows up smack-dab in the middle of a story. But it will all work out. Now, it may not work out how you think it will or how you hope it does, but believe me, it will all work out. Exactly as it's supposed to. Our job is to have zero expectations and just let go.

Coach Beard: Hey, anyone know what's going on with Isaac?
Ted: I got no idea.
Nathan: Maybe it's piles.
Coach Beard: I've accepted "aubergine" and "snogging", but "piles" I will not abide.

Ted: Wait a second, we play Sheffield Wednesday?
Coach Beard: Saturday.
Ted: Oh, we're playing Sheffield Saturday?
Coach Beard: Sheffield Wednesday, Saturday.
Ted: We gotta play 'em twice in the same week?
Coach Beard: (inhales deeply) The club is called Sheffield Wednesday. We play them on Saturday. They're called Sheffield Wednesday because they used to only play on Wednesdays. But nowadays they play on whatever day they feel like, including, but not limited to, Saturdays, which, again, is the day we will be playing them.

Dr. Sharon: Coach Lasso, is Isaac okay?
Ted: No, ma'am, he is not. Nah, he's a wigwam and a teepee right now.
Dr. Sharon: What does that mean?
Coach Beard: He's too tense.
Both: Boom!

Dr. Sharon: Do you want me to talk to Isaac?
Ted: No. That's okay. We got it. I know exactly what Isaac needs. Thank you, though.
(Dr. Sharon leaves)
Nathan: Okay. What does Isaac need?
Ted: Oh, I have no idea.

Ted: Usually in this situation I'd have a player talk to the team captain before I intervened. But Isaac's our captain. Exactly. And I can't very well ask Isaac to pull himself aside. 'Cause that would be dangerously close to messing with the, what's it?
Nathan: The dark arts?
Coach Beard: No, no. Space-time continuum?
Ted: That's it, yeah.

Rebecca: This mystery man that I've been talking to on Bantr has just quoted Rilke. "Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasures".
Keeley: Oh, that is so hot. Maybe you're writing letters to a hung poet.

Rebecca: Is that a joke from Sex and The City?
Keeley: No, but thank you. I love that you're so excited. That's so Bantr, a place where minds can come to undress. That's really good. I'm gonna use that.

Keeley: Dani! Enjoy your free coffee.
Dani: Oh, I don't drink coffee. My mother says I was born caffeinated.

Nathan: (referring to the free coffee makers) Oh, wow. Look at this.
Keeley: Sorry, Nate. They're actually just for the players.
Nathan: Oh. Oh, good. Oh, I hate free coffee anyway, always tastes so, um...

Higgins: We have an inquiry from AFC Wrexham. Just got a call from their new owners, showbiz magnates Rob McElhenney and Ryan Reynolds. I can't tell if them buying the club is a joke or not, so I haven't replied to them yet.

Rebecca: Did you just see what was on my screen?
Higgins: Oh, no, no, no, no. (sighs) I have five boys. I never look over anyone's shoulders to see what's on their screens. I used to.

Rebecca: So your ringtone for your wife is "She's a Rainbow" by the Rolling Stones? That's awfully affectionate.
Higgins: Yeah, well, it's our song. It was playing the moment we met. And, uh, it's not an exaggeration. She really is my rainbow.

Rebecca: It is so odd to imagine you young.
Higgins: Yeah, I get that a lot. I was the only kid in primary school with sciatica. I had a gelatinous L4 and five.

Higgins: The night I met my wife, I was attempting to be a brooding punk with hair spiked out to here. (raises hand high over his head) And then, uh, "She's a Rainbow" came on and I started playing upright air bass but I had a pint in my hand and ended up pouring beer all over my head. Oh! Everyone in the bar laughed, except one person who handed me a damp, disgusting bar towel. And I've been married to her for 29 years.

Nathan: Can you make me famous?
Keeley: No! Nate, you don't wanna be famous.
Nathan: I don't?
Keeley: No! There'll be photographers all up your bum, and tabloids going through your rubbish.
Nathan: I don't want that.
Keeley: Groupies everywhere?
Nathan: That's not horrible.

Keeley: Nathan needs a table at a restaurant.
Rebecca: Whoo, excellent. Alain Ducasse at The Dorchester? Ooh, L'Atelier Robuchon. Chiltern Firehouse!
Nathan: No, er-- Um, it's, uh, A Taste of Athens in T-Tooting.
Rebecca: Did he just say, "Tooting"?
Keeley: Tooting. It's his parents' favorite place.
Nathan: Well, it's the place that my dad complains about the least.
Rebecca: Wait, you can't get a table at something called "A Taste of Athens" in Tooting?
Nathan: No, it's impossible.
Rebecca: All right. Well, there's a simple solution to that. I'll just buy the restaurant.
Keeley: (laughs) Well, you know the saying? "You buy a man a table, he eats once. You teach a man how to get a table and he eats at that restaurant until it becomes a Starbucks."

Roy: I told you, either you take down my photo or you start giving me free kebabs.
Restaurateur: 7.50, mate.
Roy: Fair enough.

Ted: Fancy running into you here, after asking Keeley where you were and scootin' my boot right over, that is.
Roy: She told me to expect a mustachioed surprise that would anger me. I thought it was gonna be Wario or my great-aunt Natalie.
Ted: I don't know what makes your aunt Natalie so great, but I appreciate your effusiveness, despite her appearance.
Roy: (growls)

Roy: Why are you bothering me at my kebab place? This is like my church.
Ted: Oh? Who knew transubstantiation could happen with a pita?

Ted: What do you think about joining the coaching staff?
Roy: F*ck off.
Ted: Mmm, that's a solid negotiation tactic right there.
Roy: I don't wanna coach. I like what I'm doing, and I'm good at it. People tweet about me, with JIFs and everything.
Ted: I know some folks pronounce it "GIFs", but I hear you.

Roy: Let me finish my kebab and pray on it.
Ted: (kneels and does the sign of the cross) Right there. (leaves money on the table) For the collection plate. Later, skater.
Roy: Well, this place is ruined now.

Keeley: Hello, sir. Can I help you?
Nathan: Uh, yes. Um, Nathan Shelley, party of three.
Keeley: Let's see, Mr. Shelby.
Nathan: Yes, Shelby. Sorry, I should have said Shelby.
Keeley: (imitates buzzer) No. That is not your name.
Nathan: It's pretty close.

Rebecca: I have a secret: I make myself big. Before I go into the room, I find somewhere private, I stand up on my tiptoes, put my arms in the air and make myself as big as possible to feel my own power. Like this... (clears throat) (inhales deeply) (growls) (more growls then silence)
Keeley: F*ck, you're amazing. Let's invade France.

Ted: Ain't no side-eye like a Roy Kent side-eye.

Ted: What about me? What do I get to do?
Roy: Nothing.
Ted: Aw, come on. Can I keep score?
Roy: Fine.
Ted: All right, I'm gonna use my fingers. It's zero-zero!
Roy: Nil-nil.
Ted: It is nil-nil.
Roy: (sighs)

Nathan: (in restaurant bathroom) You are Nathan f*cking Shelley. (spits on mirror)
(Leaves the bathroom)
Nathan: (to his parents) Be right back. Don't get too comfortable.
Nathan: (to the hostess) Jade, this is a special night for my parents, and the window table is open. So, here is what I would love to see happen. You're gonna give us that table, and then my family and I are gonna order a starter, main course, little dessert, a bottle of wine. And you are going to be stunned by how quickly a gaggle of Shelleys can get through a three-course meal and get out of here. So what do you say?
Jade: Okay.

Issac: What the f*ck, Roy? Did you bring me round here to get my leg broke?
Roy: No. I brought you here to remind you that football is a f*cking game that you used to play as a f*cking kid. 'Cause it was fun, even when you were getting your f*cking legs broken or your f*cking feelings hurt. So, f*ck your feelings, f*ck your overthinking, f*ck all that bullshit, go back out there and have some f*cking fun.
Issac: All right, game on.

Roy: Was that all right?
Ted: That was great.
Roy: Too many f*cks?
Ted: I don't know. Kinda like all the nipples in that movie, Showgirls. Halfway through, you don't even notice. You just kinda get sucked into the narrative.
Roy: I dated Gina Gershon once.
Ted: That makes me happy.

Ted: I came here tonight 'cause when you realize you wanna spend the rest of your life coaching with somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin ASAP.
Roy: Please stop.
Ted: You complete our team.
Roy: You're an asshole.
Ted: I'm also just a coach, standing in front of a boy, asking him if...
Roy: Listen, I'm never coming back to Richmond. Not now, not ever...

Coach Beard: Set your alarm for PM instead of AM?
Ted: Yes, sir, Steve Kerr. Thank you.
Coach Beard: Still, you got down here pretty quick.
Ted: Yeah, well, I think a fella should only take as long as the tune "Easy Lover" by Phil Collins and Philip Bailey to get dressed in the morning.
Coach Beard: Makes sense.

Coach Beard: Hey, you never finished your joke.
Ted: What joke?
Coach Beard: What does a British owl say?
Ted: Oh, right. Whom. Whom.
Coach Beard: Worth the wait.

Woman: We had season tickets for Richmond. My family was well-off.
Man: I was a young punk that snuck in every week. My father wanted us in the best seats in the house.
Man: I sat there because she was there.
Woman: My mother and my boyfriend were furious. They wanted to call security to kick him out.
Man: But she insisted that I should stay.
Woman: And we fell in love.
Man: And we fell in love.
Woman: Years later, a close friend of the family used the same story line for the film Titanic. And we've been in litigation ever since.
Man: Together.
Woman: Together.

Rebecca: (Laughing while texting her mystery man on her phone)
Keeley: Just stop with the foreplay. Tell him you own Richmond and that you're f*cking fit.
(Cut to Ted Lasso walking and texting on his phone)

Dr. Sharon: I was just checking in. See how you're feeling.
Ted: Oh, well, that's mighty nice of you. How am I feeling? I don't know, you know? I-- I'm just dealing with the terror of knowing what this world is about, you know? Watching a few good friends screaming to let them out.
Dr. Sharon: So, you're feeling under pressure?
Ted: Ba ba ba be doo...

Dr. Sharon: My door is always open.
Ted: Then why even have one? Heck, Coach Beard could take that thing out for ya Jack Torrance style with eight good whacks.
Coach Beard: Five good whacks. Lumberjack World Championship qualifier, baby!

Jeff: Let's round off the Premier League with Arsenal heading on the road to Newcastle, where 17-year-old Matthew Kerr will make his debut. They're calling him the Irish Ronaldo. What can we expect today?
George: Well, I think we can expect to see a commanding performance from the lad.
Jeff: Roy, what do you think he'll do today?
Roy: I don't know. He's 17. He'll probably have chips for dinner and a wank before bed.

Roy: All we do is sit around here and guess what a bunch of little pricks are gonna go and do out there, then we come back at halftime, and we complain 'cause they didn't do exactly what we thought they'd do. We don't know. Of course we don't know. We're not in the locker rooms with them. We're not on the pitch with them. We can't look 'em in the eyes and encourage them to be better than they ever thought they were capable of being. We're just... we're just on the outside looking in. Judging them.

Roy: I'll tell you the thing Nikki Sixx said in the Motley Crue Behind the Music. "You gotta date your wife."
Taxi Driver: Thanks, Roy.

Ticket Takers: Do you have a ticket? I can't let anyone in without a ticket.
Roy: I'm Roy Kent.
Ticket Taker: He does look like him. A little. Around the mouth.
Roy: Ah, for f*ck's sake. (goes to the ticket window) I believe you're holding a ticket for Reba McEntire.
Ticket Seller: Good to see you back, Reba.

(Roy walks onto the soccer pitch sidelines...)
Ted: Hello, Coach. Really glad you decided to...
Roy: Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at "Coach."


"Swingin' On a Rainbow" by Frankie Avalon (Opening music)

"To Love What I Want, and Want What I Love (Take 3)" by Mable John (Plays when Rebecca is in her office on Bantr chat)

"L-O-V-E" by Nat King Cole (Plays when couples are shown settling in at the stadium)

"Song 2" by Blur (Plays when Isaac dominates on the pitch)

"She's A Rainbow" by The Rolling Stones (End music)

Notes and Trivia

This episode, named "Rainbow," is bookended by songs with "Rainbow" in their title. The opening music is "Swingin' On a Rainbow" by Frankie Avalon, and the end music is "She's A Rainbow" by The Rolling Stones.

At Roy Kent's favorite kebab place, there are three celebrity photos, George Wendt, who is actually Jason Sudeikis's uncle, Roy Kent himself, and Marcus Mumford, who performs the theme song for the show. Note, the signature on Roy's photo is, "Yum, Roy Kent."

The scene at the soccer stadium where the elderly couple tell the touching story of how they met, is a sendup to the film When Harry Met Sally... where several elderly couples also tell the story of how they met. Incidentally, when Ted meets Roy at the Kebab restaurant, he says ,"I'll have what he's having." This is also modelled after a well-known line in When Harry Met Sally....

When Roy walks onto the soccer pitch sidelines, Ted says, "Hello Coach. Really glad you decided to...". Roy replies with, "Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at Coach." This is a send-up to the film Jerry Maguire where Renee Zellweger's character says, "Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at hello," to Tom Cruise's character. Incidentally, there was also a scene earlier in this episode where the players discuss Renee Zellweger. Also, another scene where Ted tries to convince Roy to return as a coach, where he says, "You complete our team." Again, this is a sendup to a line from Jerry Maguire where Tom Cruise says, "You complete me."




Details about common filming locations such as The Crown and Anchor Pub, The Dog Pound Stadium and The Richmond Greyhounds practise field can be found here.

Scenes at "A Taste of Athens" restaurant in Tooting, were actually filmed at Mediterraneo, 37 Kensington Park Rd, London. Also note how the production crew must have added a riser under the window table to make it higher and more prominent. (Google Places)

Scenes at Roy Kent's kabab place were filmed at the Embassy Cafe, 1 Mortimer Square, London. (Google Street View)

The location where the pedal-cab drops Roy off at the stadium is located near Selhurst Stadium, at 17 Park Road, Selhurst. (Google Street View)

The location where Roy asks for a ticket for Reba McEntire was filmed at Selhurst Stadium on Holmesdale Road. (Google Street View)


StarringJason SudeikisTed Lasso
StarringHannah WaddinghamRebecca Welton
StarringJeremy SwiftLeslie Higgins
StarringPhil DunsterJamie Tartt
StarringBrett GoldsteinRoy Kent
StarringBrendan HuntCoach Beard
StarringNick MohammedNathan Shelley
StarringSarah NilesDr. Sharon Fieldstone
Starring (With)Juno TempleKeeley Jones
Guest StarringToheeb JimohSam Obisanya
Guest StarringCristo FernandezDani Rojas
Guest StarringKola BokinniIsaac
Co-StarringBilly HarrisColin Hughes
Co-StarringMoe Jeudy-LamourThierry Zoreaux
Co-StarringStephen ManasRichard Montlaur
Co-StarringMohammed HashimMoe Bumbercatch
Co-StarringDavid ElsendoornJan Maas
Co-StarringCharlie HiscockWill Kitman
Co-StarringJeff StellingHimself
Co-StarringChris KamaraHimself
Co-StarringBill FellowsGeorge
Co-StarringPeter LandiLloyd Shelley
Co-StarringNeelam BakshiMaria Shelley
Co-StarringEdyta BudnikJade
Co-StarringEniola AlukoGeorgia
Co-StarringReice WeathersBenjamin
Co-StarringJimmy GallagherTony
Co-StarringAndrew BaguleyWilliam
Co-StarringZee AshaSue
Co-StarringMary RoscoeJulie Higgins
Co-StarringRich KeebleClive Winkleman
Co-StarringOmar ShakerHus
Co-StarringMark LewisHarold
Co-StarringJane BertishMegan