S02E08 - Man City

No: 18 | Season: 2 Episode: 8 | Air Date: 10-Sep-21 | Runtime: 45 mins

I'm going to be a spokesperson! (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Keeley: I haven't found a term I like yet for when I tell people I'm taking a sh1t. What do you use? Rebecca: I need to reapply my lip liner. Men don't know what that means and women understand it requires time and focus. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

You're telling me I could shatter every bone in my body, someone could just drop me off in front of any old hospital, dumped into a garbage can or something, and y'all patch me up and I don't have to pay jack squat? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Oh, no... It's worse than I imagined. She can walk again! It's a miracle! Oh, thank God for science! (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

There ain't no policy like a hospital policy, 'cause a hospital policy don't stop. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

My sister's at the hospital. She works in the emergency room. She can't really pop out 'cause there's always someone coming in with, like, a knife stuck in their eye or a torch stuck up their... (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Ms. Bowen: Today she called one of her classmates an "apathetic shitf$cker." Roy: Are they? Ms. Bowen: Oh, yes. But that's not the point. Do you have any idea where she might be getting this from? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Isaac's an artist with those clippers. But he only gives you one haircut per season, so you try and save that for a very special occasion. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I'm just in here until my office exists. It's really no problem. If I spill anything, I'm next to everything I need to clean up. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Sam: It can just be a funny coincidence that we both happened to turn up to the same fabulous restaurant, both of us alone? And hungry. That can happen. Right? Rebecca: I mean, I am quite hungry. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Ted: This right behind me, just a regular old football pitch. You take away the stadium and all the stands, I think you'll find it's the same size as our pitch back home on Nelson Road. Coach Beard: Not exactly. Nathan: It's 500 square yards bigger. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Ted: I remember being a little kid, sitting in front of the television and watching Queen perform right over there during Live Aid. Coach Beard: No, you didn't. Roy: That was old Wembley. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Richmond! (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

We win this match, we get Richmond tattoos. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Roy: Tell me you didn't eat the prawn cocktail. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I pretend to get ideas in the moment, but they're just good ideas I've had for months. I just time them to look spontaneous. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

There was one game this season where I was accidentally on mushrooms. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Hey, ref! Clean the sh1t out of your eyes, you dickless wonder. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Can't say that, mate. I'm sorry. There you go. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Oh, gentlemen! Gentlemen! Hey, it's a tough one, lads. It's a tough one, but no shame to it, 'cause, you know, we only ever beat everybody we play. So you pups had no chance. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Coach Beard: Watch the door. Oops! (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

(Roy hugs Jamie) (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Ted: Hey, Coach, bird by bird. Not that kind of bird... (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

We gave it everything we had, and for me, that is okay because what's worse is not to try at all. To try is scary, you know, because you can end up losing a lot. But you have to put your heart out there. Otherwise, what's the point? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Summary

Ted and Dr. Sarah's collegial relationship becomes stronger. As the team prepares for the semifinal against Man City, Jamie is strained by his relationship with his father. Rebecca bravely moves forward in a personal relationship.

Director and Writers

Director: Matt Lipsey
Writers: Jamie Lee

Quotes

Dr. Sharon: He refuses to open up. And when he gets anywhere close to being vulnerable, he fires off a zinger or some obscure reference to something very specific to a 40-year-old white man from middle America.

Dr. Sharon: Mind your dog!
Dog Walker: What?
Dr. Sharon: He hates that sweater!

Keeley: I haven't found a term I like yet for when I tell people I'm taking a sh1t. What do you use?
Rebecca: I need to reapply my lip liner. Men don't know what that means and women understand it requires time and focus.

Ted: You're telling me I could shatter every bone in my body, someone could just drop me off in front of any old hospital, dumped into a garbage can or something, and y'all patch me up and I don't have to pay jack squat?
Hospital Orderly: You're damn right.
Ted: I tell you, I love this country. I love this town. Oh, did you know that Winnie the Pooh was based on a real bear from the London Zoo?
Dr. Sharon: (arrives and hears Ted talking) F*ck me.

Ted: No intracranial hemorrhaging? Or subdural hematoma?
Doctor: No. You seem to know a lot about brain injuries.
Ted: Well, I watched a lot of Grey's Anatomy in my early 30s. And actually, you know, I coached football. The American kind. You know? The one with all the concussions and hullabaloo about kneeling and such.

Doctor: Hospital policy states that head trauma patients, they cannot leave unattended.
Ted: And there ain't no policy like a hospital policy, 'cause a hospital policy don't stop.

Ms. Bowen: Coach Kent, we've got a bit of an issue with Phoebe's behavior.
Roy: Let's have it.
Ms. Bowen: She's been swearing. A lot.
Roy: How bad is it?
Ms. Bowen: Today she called one of her classmates an "apathetic shitfucker."
Roy: Are they?
Ms. Bowen: Oh, yes. But that's not the point. Do you have any idea where she might be getting this from?

Ted: By all measures, it's not the cruelest prank ever played, but no one should ever make someone eat a Vaseline sandwich. But that's Ronnie Fouch for you. Innovator.

Dr. Sharon: (on a phone message recording) Ted, it's Sharon. I can't come to the phone right now. But if you want to talk my ear off about some bullshit because you're too afraid to properly emote, leave a message. Beep!
Dr. Sharon: (to Ted) I didn't mean it.
Ted: Come on now. You meant it a little bit. In concussio veritas, right? Ain't that the saying?

Higgins: (working in the cleaning closet) I'm just in here until my office exists. It's really no problem. If I spill anything, I'm next to everything I need to clean up.
Jamie: This is very, very sad.

Higgins: Fathers and sons. So tricky. They should really write songs about it.
Jamie: Think they do.
Higgins: Yeah, I know. I was just...
Jamie: Anyway... You... Are you close with your dad?
Higgins: Ups and downs, like everyone. It's complicated.
Jamie: Mine's not complicated. He's just a dick. Every situation, he does exactly what a dick would do. Not much you can do with that. Know what I mean?

Jamie: James Tartt. His mates are Denbo Cullens and Bug.
Higgins: "Bug"?
Jamie: Just Bug. One G. Like the animal. It's his legal name. Changed it.
Higgins: Because he's small like a bug?
Jamie: No, 'cause he eats bugs for money.

Phoebe: Thank you for the ice cream, Uncle Roy.
Roy: Oi! You can't swear, Phoebe.
Phoebe: But you swear all the time.
Roy: Yeah. And it didn't hold me back 'cause I'm a footballer. No one cares if we swear. It's part of the job. It's encouraged. But you can't be a doctor, or a teacher, or a...
Phoebe: Veterinarian for wild animals.
Roy: Or a veterinarian for wild animals. I still don't get how that works. You treat them in the woods and no one pays you?

Roy: I get concerned that I've been infecting you with the worst parts of me.
Phoebe: That's not true. Uncle Roy, you teach me great things. I called that boy a name because he's a bully. And because of you, I stand up to bullies. And referees. And I can do that without swearing.
Roy: Yeah. 'Cause you are better than me.
Phoebe: I'm as good as the best you. Maybe we can stop swearing together.
Roy: F*ck you.

Phoebe: Can you come in for one game of Princess and Dragon?
Roy: Can I be the dragon this time?
Phoebe: No.
Roy: Fine. But you better have fixed the wand.

Dr. Sharon: I have water and I have wine.
Ted: Chicken and the egg, huh?

Ted: I like my water like Kyrie Irving likes his Earth. Flat.

Ted: So, you gonna get a new bike, or you wanna lay off riding for a bit?
Dr. Sharon: I don't know. I haven't thought about it.
Ted: Well, I hope you get back on that horse. And by horse, I mean bicycle. Although how cool would it be if you started riding a horse to work? Everybody starts calling you "Dr. Sharon Horsewoman" or... You know, becomes your hook.

Dr. Sharon: I really should get some rest.
Ted: Hey, 10-4, good buddy. Good colleague.

Keeley: Get in there. Either it's gonna be the most amazing night or it's gonna be so sh1t that you can punish me for it for the rest of our friendship.
Rebecca: I do like the sound of that.

Rebecca: No. Sam. We can't... I'm your boss. No. No. You are way too young. I mean, you're what, like, 24?
Sam: I'm... I'm 21.
Rebecca: Oh, my God. I'm a pedophile. I feel... I've groomed you. All these messages. I was grooming you!
Sam: You didn't groom me, okay? We didn't know who we were.
Rebecca: Okay, but... but now we do, and this is not happening.

Sam: It can just be a funny coincidence that we both happened to turn up to the same fabulous restaurant, both of us alone... And hungry. That can happen. Right?
Rebecca: I mean, I am quite hungry.

Dr. Sharon: After today, I was worried I'll be too scared to enjoy riding again.
Ted: I would say that fear's a lot like underwear...
Dr. Sharon: (interrupting) No, I don't want to discuss it. I don't need a pep talk.

Ted: (referring to Wembley Stadium) Focus up. All right, fellas, I want you to close your eyes. Look around. (stops) You know. I mean, open them up and take it all in. But remember, this right behind me, just a regular old football pitch. You take away the stadium and all the stands, I think you'll find it's the same size as our pitch back home on Nelson Road.
Coach Beard: Not exactly.
Ted: What's that?
Nathan: It's 500 square yards bigger.
Ted: Really? The pitches aren't the same size?
Roy: No!
Nathan: This is the biggest pitch in the country.
Coach Beard: Huge advantage for City.
Ted: Boy, oh, boy. This sport has the loosiest-goosiest rules of all. Tough to get my head around sometimes. Okay. All right. It's bigger. And, look, I know y'all grew up watching games on this field, so you're probably a little nervous. Shoot, I know I got goose bumps. I remember being a little kid, sitting in front of the television and watching Queen perform right over there during Live Aid.
Coach Beard: No, you didn't.
Roy: That was old Wembley.
Nathan: That field was even bigger.
Ted: It doesn't matter. Point is, guys, we're here now, okay? At this Wembley. The one that Freddie Mercury never stepped foot in. And this is our day to make history. And I believe we're gonna do just that.

Baz: We win this match, we get Richmond tattoos.
Mae: Already got one.
Jeremy: Where?
Mae: Mind your f*cking business.

Ted: I'm just doing some breathing exercises that Doc taught me, that's all.
Nathan: Hope it's not stomach problems again.
Roy: Tell me you didn't eat the prawn cocktail.

Ted: Hey, fellas, hold on a sec. I need to tell you all something. When I left the match against Tottenham, it... it wasn't 'cause, you know, my stomach was bothering me. It was 'cause I had a panic attack. I've been having them from time to time as of late, and I'm working on it. But I just want you all to know the truth. We good?
All: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Of course. Okay.
Ted: Okay, all right. All right, let's go get 'em. Richmond on three.
Higgins: Wait! I need to confess something too. I messed up the time zones on our transfer deadline, which is why we didn't sign up that amazing fullback from Brazil.
All: That's okay. Okay. Yeah, okay. All good. Okay. That's all right.
Ted: Yeah. Okay. Here we go.
Roy: I don't read the scouting reports you guys write. I've lied every time they've come up. They're boring, and I won't do it.
Ted: I appreciate that.
Nathan: I pretend to get ideas in the moment, but they're just good ideas I've had for months. I just time them to look spontaneous.
Higgins: It's a good move.
Ted: Illusion of the first time.
Coach Beard: There was one game this season where I was accidentally on mushrooms.
Nathan: "Accidentally"?
Coach Beard: I'd been at Jane's house, and I drank tea from the wrong pot.
Roy: The Port Vale match?
Coach Beard: Yeah. It won't happen again.
Ted: Thanks, guys. All right, let's go kick their butts.
Coach Beard: Butts on three.
Ted: Works for me. One, two, three.
All: Butts!
Ted: (To Coach Beard) You all fancy now, drinking tea, huh?
Coach Beard: I didn't know how to tell you.

Nathan: Hey, ref! Clean the sh1t out of your eyes, you dickless wonder.
Arlo: Oh, no. Never mess with Mike Dean.
Mike Dean: (gives Nathan a yellow card) Can't say that, mate. I'm sorry. There you go.
Ted: Sorry about that, Mike. We all know you have a penis.
Mike Dean: I've been called worse.

Arlo: The only nice thing I can say about Richmond today is that Sam Obisanya's hair looks absolutely fantastic.

Security: Mr. Tartt. You have a visitor. Says he's your father.
Jamie: Yeah.
James Tartt: Are you decent? (to security) I told ya. Dick. (to the team) Oh, gentlemen! Gentlemen! Hey, it's a tough one, lads. It's a tough one, but no shame to it, 'cause, you know, we only ever beat everybody we play. So you pups had no chance. And there he is, my son. My own flesh and blood. Poor Jamie, my son. Now, maybe I'm thinking his heart's still in Manchester and that's why he missed that sitter in the first half. You absolutely balled it. You balled it. What were you thinking? I'm only kidding, hey. Hey, look, do us a favor and get Denbo and Bug past security. They wanna go on the pitch, take a few snaps, yeah?
Jamie: I'd rather 'em not.
James Tartt: Yeah, they just want to look around. It'll only take a second.
Jamie: I'd rather 'em not.
James Tartt: What? What, you're not gonna all go little moody bitch just 'cause you got your arse served to you on a plate, are ya?
Jamie: Don't speak to me like that. Don't speak to me like that. Don't speak to me like that.
James Tartt: Okay, well, let's see if you can hear this. You know that ickle TV show you made? You made it easier for Manchester City to kick you to the curb. And look where you are now. Twaddling about with a bunch of amateurs. (to team) No offense, no offense. (grabs Jamie) Don't turn your back on me, you pussy.
(Jamie punches him)

Ted: My father killed himself when I was 16. That happened to me and to my mom.
Dr. Sharon: I'm so sorry, Ted.
Ted: And look, I don't know if that's where maybe some of my issues stem from.
Dr. Sharon: No, it definitely is.

Ted: (to Coach Beard) What do you say we make like Schreiber and Liev, huh?

Music

"Witness (1 Hope)" by Roots Manuva (Plays as Dr. Sharon is riding her bike to work)

"La Virgen De La Macarena" by Arturo Sandoval (Plays as Isaac prepares to give Sam a hair cut)

"Down By The Riverside" by Mathilia Jackson (Plays when Isaac is giving Sam a hair cut.)

"Loving Is Easy" by Rex Orange County (feat. Benny Sings) (Plays when Sam and Rebeca have dinner)

"Blue Moon" by The Marcels (Sung by the Man City faithful at Wembley, and then played as Man City dominated Richmond)

"Beware of Darkness" by George Harrison (When Roy hugs Jamie in the locker room)

"Don't Look Back In Anger" by Oasis (After Coach Beard and Ted say goodbye)

"Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane (As Rebecca heads out to meet Sam. Closing Credits music)

Notes and Trivia

Sarah Niles (Doctor Sharon) had to learn how to ride a bike for her role in this show.

At the time this episode was filmed at Wembley stadium, reporter interviewed several of the actors and mistook them for real football players.

Mike Dean, who gives Nathan a yellow card, is a real referee.

Goofs

None

Locations

Details about common filming locations such as The Crown and Anchor Pub, The Dog Pound Stadium and The Richmond Greyhounds practise field can be found here.

When Sharon rides her bike to work:
- The location where she is seen leaving her building was shot at Kingston upon Thames. (Google)
- The location where she rides on a cobbled streets with a White Cross building in the background was on Riverside in Richmond. (Google)
- Then she rides by Richmond rail bridge. (Google)
- Then back near Kingston on Thames. (Google)
- Then back to Richmond (houseboats in background). (Google)
- Finally, she crashes right back in Kingston upon Thames near where she started. (Google) (Submitted by J. Garrett-Jones)

Scenes at Wembley Stadium were filmed during the recent FA Cup.

Exterior and interior scenes at Rebecca's house were filmed at Pembroke House, 1 Pembroke Villas Road, in Richmond, England. (Google Street View)

Cast

Starring	Jason Sudeikis	Ted Lasso
Starring	Hannah Waddingham	Rebecca Welton
Starring	Jeremy Swift	Leslie Higgins
Starring	Phil Dunster	Jamie Tartt
Starring	Brett Goldstein	Roy Kent
Starring	Brendan Hunt	Coach Beard
Starring	Nick Mohammed	Nathan Shelley
Starring	Sarah Niles	Dr. Sharon Fieldstone
Starring (With)	Juno Temple	Keeley Jones
Guest Starring	Toheeb Jimoh	Sam Obisanya
Guest Starring	Cristo Fernandez	Dani Rojas
Guest Starring	Kola Bokinni	Isaac
Guest Starring	Kieran O'Brien	James Tartt
Guest Starring	Annette Badland	Mae
Co-Starring	Ruth Bradley	Ms. Bowen
Co-Starring	Sidse Babett Knudsen	Bridget
Co-Starring	Billy Harris	Colin Hughes
Co-Starring	Moe Jeudy-Lamour	Thierry Zoreaux
Co-Starring	Stephen Manas	Richard Montlaur
Co-Starring	Mohammed Hashim	Moe Bumbercatch
Co-Starring	David Elsendoorn	Jan Maas
Co-Starring	Arlo White	Himself
Co-Starring	Chris Powell	Himself
Co-Starring	Elodie Blomfield	Phoebe
Co-Starring	Charlie Hiscock	Will Kitman
Co-Starring	Sofia Barclay	Dr. O'Sullivan
Co-Starring	Nonso Anozie	Ola Obisanya
Co-Starring	Mike Dean	Himself
Co-Starring	Adam Colborne	Baz
Co-Starring	Bronson Webb	Jeremy
Co-Starring	Kevin 'KG' Garry	Paul
Co-Starring	Adam Shaw	Bug
Co-Starring	Trevor Laird	Denbo
Co-Starring	Lloyd Griffith	Lloyd
Co-Starring	Esmonde Cole	Lawrence Tureaud
Co-Starring	Fleur East	Jaylah Vivienne