S02E09 - Beard After Hours

No: 19  |  Season: 2   Episode: 9  |  Air Date: 17-Sep-21  |  Runtime: 43 mins


After the semifinal, a dejected Coach Beard sets out on an all-night odyssey through London in an effort to find more meaning to his life.

Director and Writers

Director: Sam Jones
Writers: Brett Goldstein & Joe Kelly


Gary Linaker: It was moment after moment like this. A real David versus Goliath match, but where Goliath just curb-stomped David in the back of the skull like in that Ed Norton movie.
Thierry Henry: Moonrise Kingdom?
Gary Linaker: I think that's it, yeah. man
Thierry Henry: Yeah. Well, for me, the match was a real Cinderella story. If her glass slipper broke and sliced her Achilles tendon.

Gary Linaker: What about Coach Beard?
Thierry Henry: What about him, indeed. Coach Beard knew an aggressive offensive strategy was a mistake. He should not have let Ted, Nathan and Roy convince him otherwise.
Gary Linaker: Great point, Thierry. Coach Beard is Ted Lasso's number two. He's supposed to challenge him, not just be a sniveling lackey.
Thierry Henry: Look, Gary, the man has no va-va-voom.
Gary Linaker: Does anything say "sad, single man" more than a chessboard coffee table?

Mae: Jane coming?
Coach Beard: We broke up.
Mae: Shocking.
Coach Beard: She accused me of being jealous. Me. Because I told her it's hard to know where I stand, which it is, because she never says "I love you."
Mae: Did you say it to her?
Coach Beard: I did.
Mae: And she didn't say it back.
Coach Beard: She did not.
Mae: Oof.
Coach Beard: Thank you for helping me relive that.
Mae: Well, you must feel awful.
Coach Beard: Reason is powerless in the expression of love.
Mae: Nuh-uh. I meant about the match. What the hell was your thinking behind those tactics?

Coach Beard: We can talk and drink as long as we talk about anything but the game and drink.
Jeremy: Have you ever been to Vegas?
Baz: What's Ted like behind closed doors?
Paul: How do you cope knowing the universe is infinite but your consciousness can end in a second?
Coach Beard: I've been to Vegas many times. One night is good, two nights is perfect, three is too many. Ted is a man. Just a man. And as for the fragility of life, I'm so glad someone finally asked. Because, yeah, I got a few thoughts.
(after many beers have been quaffed)
Coach Beard: And so, in conclusion, if this is all indeed a simulation, which everything in my experience suggests that it is, then all we can do is tip our caps to the rascal pulling the strings.

Mae: That's it, people. Just like my legs after a date with a guy who kept correcting me, we're closed.
Paul: You went on a date with Richard?
Richard: I think you'll find, Mae, it was two dates.
Mae: Out.
Richard: Coffee was a date.

Coach Beard: Do we know each other?
Sarah Coombes: I don't think we do, sir. May I see your membership card?
Coach Beard: University of Barcelona, class of 2004?
Sarah Coombes: I went to Warwick, 2007.
Coach Beard: Oh, sorry, you looked older.
Sarah Coombes: Are you a member here?
Coach Beard: Here? No. God, no. Never.
Sarah Coombes: Well, if you're not a member, I'm afraid you can't come in. This is Bones & Honey.
Coach Beard: You are very rude. What is your name?
Sarah Coombes: My name is Sarah Coombes. What is your name?
Coach Beard: None of my business.
(phone rings)
Sarah Coombes: Bones & Honey, may I help you?
(Beard leaves and goes back outside)
Baz: (on the phone) Hello, uh, this is the fire brigade. Uh, it's very important that we get in touch with, uh...
Coach Beard: (whispers) Sarah Coombes.
Baz: Sarah Coombes. Oh, that's you. Oh, well, I'm very sorry, madam, but your flat is on fire. Y-You need to come down here immediately.

Paul: I actually feel bad for Sarah Coombes.
Baz: Nah. Think how excited she'll be when she realizes that her place didn't actually burn down.
Coach Beard: Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Sarah Coombes's life. Her apartment will look more amazing to her than any place any of us have ever lived.

Coach Beard: Evening, gents. I see you've met my proteges. I'm Professor Declan Patrick Aloysius MacManus. At your service. I assure you, the pleasure is mine. But, I must tell you, these lads here were the best of the best at Oxford itself. And now, we're just having a wee liquid reunion, aren't we?

Red: I'm sure you know that your trousers are ripped.
Coach Beard: They're designed that way. To make it easier for people to kiss my ass.
Red: Be careful. We have decency laws in England. You'll get arrested.
Coach Beard: I wasn't aware the laws were so restrictive here.
Red: Oh, yeah. We're a repressed nation. One exposed arse can bring down the monarchy itself.
Coach Beard: How dare you speak of Prince Andrew that way.
Red: I could fix those for you. I live over there.
Coach Beard: In that pointy building?

Coach Beard: Could I please use the phone?
Hotel Desk Clerk: The hotel phones are just for guests, I'm afraid, sir.
Coach Beard: Okay then. Could I please use your phone?
Hotel Desk Clerk: My personal phone?
Coach Beard: Yes, I lost my phone and my wallet, and I'm just trying to get back home.
Hotel Desk Clerk: And what would you be using my personal phone for, sir?
Coach Beard: Booking a cab.
Hotel Desk Clerk: Nope. I'm not falling for that.
Coach Beard: Oh, I'm not trying to trick you.
Hotel Desk Clerk: Exactly what a trickster would say.
Coach Beard: I would just go through my own account, you know.
Hotel Desk Clerk: That's how it starts, isn't it? First you book a cab. Next thing I know, you've geolinked my phone to your network and all of a sudden, you and fake Melania have downloaded all my bank details and you're using my identity to shift more poppy seeds to your own private island. No. Not tonight. I've been in this game too long now.
Coach Beard: What game?
Hotel Desk Clerk: You won't touch my phone. Within seconds, you'll have my mother's maiden name, all my cryptocurrencies. Not that I have any. Next thing I know, my hard drive is being confiscated by MI5 for illegal images that you've tricked me into downloading. Oh, no. You'll not make a fool of me. Not you. Not a dead ringer for Dame Judi Dench. Not anyone. Shame on you, sir! Good night.

Ted: He'll be here. Beard's like the mailman, you know? He always delivers and he looks great in shorts.
Coach Beard: Morning, fellas.
Ted: What'd I tell you?

Ted: Sometimes, every once in a blue moon, there is a game so awful, so...
Roy: Dog sh1t?
Nathan: Haunting?
Coach Beard: A catastrophe of epic proportions.
Ted: That the only way to watch it back is at ten times the speed and with the Benny Hill theme music playing under it. Here we go.


"Ted Lasso Theme (Acoustic)" by Jeff Tweedy (Plays over the opening credits in place of the normal theme song)

"Nightclub Jitters" by The Replacements (Plays as Beard leaves his apartment)

"Fit But You Know It" by The Streets (When they step out of the pub in lost and found clothing)

"Corporate World" by The Dust Brothers (Short piece plays as they go to Bones and Honey)

"A Girl Like You" by Edwyn Collins (Plays when they enter Bones and Honey club)

"Last Train to London" by ELO (Plays when the boys are playing pool)

"Suite Bergamasque Claire De Lune, No. 3" by Isao Tomita (Plays when Beard enters the back room of the club)

"Alone Again Naturally" by Gilbert O'Sullivan (Plays when Beard is alone after getting beaten)

"Posse on Broadway" by Sir Mix-A-Lot (Playing when the Limo pulls up next to Beard)

"We Are the Champions" by Queen (Plays when the boys run onto Nelson Road stadium)

"Hello (Club Edit)" by Martin Solveig & Dragonette (Plays when Beard is dancing)

"Yakety Sax" by Boots Randolph (The Benny Hill theme Ted plays over match film )

"The Universal" by Blur (Closing music)

Notes and Trivia

The regular title card was a replaced with a scene of Coach Beard sitting alone on The Tube, while an acoustic version of the theme song performed by Jeff Tweedy is played.

Coach Beard's line, "Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Sarah Coombes's life. Her apartment will look more amazing to her than any place any of us have ever lived," is a reference to a similar line in the movie "Fight Club," i.e., "Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted."

This episode reveals Jane's last name is Payne, and further explains why Coach Beard exclaimed "Jane Pain" in a previous episode.

When Coach Beard introduces himself as "Professor Declan Patrick Aloysius MacManus," he is actually using the real name of singer Elvis Costello.

When Sarah Coombes asked Coach Beard his name, he refused to give it, thus extending the mystery of the Coach's real first name.

The scene where Coach Beard meets up with James Tartt in a backlit tunnel is reminiscent of a similar scene in Stanley Kubrick's "A Clockwork Orange."

Coach Beard's line, "Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret's little boy," is a reference to Judy Bloom's 1970 novel, "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret."

The lines, "Is this heaven? ...No, it's Nelson Road," are a reference to the film "Field of Dreams."

The episode title, and parts of this episode are reminiscent of "After Hours," a 1985 Martin Scorsese film, where the character Paul Hackett, portrayed by Griffin Dunne, experiences a series of night-time misadventures while making his way home from New York City's SoHo district.


When Coach Beard's phone powered down because of low power, his power meter showed at least 25% power. Of course, this was an iPhone... so...


Details about common filming locations such as The Crown and Anchor Pub, The Dog Pound Stadium and The Richmond Greyhounds practise field can be found here.

The street scene where Coach Beard and Red talk about his ripped pants was filmed on America Street, in London. (Google Street View)

The location where Coach Beard is kicked off the N22 bus was filmed in Trinity Square, London, which is actually nowhere near the N22 route. (Submitted by J. Garrett-Jones) (Google Street View)

The outside of the hotel where Coach Beard tries to get help from a hotel desk clerk was filmed at 8 Coopers's Row, London. (Submitted by J. Garrett-Jones) (Google Street View)


StarringJason SudeikisTed Lasso
StarringHannah WaddinghamRebecca Welton (credit only)
StarringJeremy SwiftHiggins (credit only)
StarringPhil DunsterJamie Tartt (credit only)
StarringBrett GoldsteinRoy Kent
StarringBrendan HuntCoach Beard
StarringNick MohammedNathan Shelley
StarringJuno TempleKeeley Jones (credit only)
Starring (With)Annette BadlandMae
Guest StarringKieran O'BrienJames Tartt
Guest StarringToheeb JimohSam Obisanya (credit only)
Guest StarringCristo FernandezDani Rojas (credit only)
Guest StarringKola BokinniIsaac (credit only)
Co-StarringThierry HenryHimself
Co-StarringGary LinekerHimself
Co-StarringAdam ColborneBaz
Co-StarringBronson WebbJeremy
Co-StarringKevin 'KG' GarryPaul
Co-StarringPhoebe WalshJane
Co-StarringCharlotte SpencerRed
Co-StarringAdam ShawBug
Co-StarringTrevor LairdDenbo
Co-StarringKerry HowardSarah Coombes
Co-StarringArlo WhiteHimself
Co-StarringBilly HarrisColin Hughes (credit only)
Co-StarringMoe Jeudy-LamourThierry Zoreaux (credit only)
Co-StarringStephen ManasRichard Montlaur (credit only)
Co-StarringMohammed HashimMoe Bumbercatch (credit only)
Co-StarringDavid ElsendoornJan Maas (credit only)
Co-StarringMike DeanHimself
Co-StarringCharlie RawesDarren
Co-StarringMark AddisonFranklin
Co-StarringAlistair GreenKirkland
Co-StarringNinette FinchGladys
Co-StarringRobert EadesJasper
Co-StarringOliver BennettSamuel
Co-StarringMaanuv ThiaraTerrence
Co-StarringWayne RollinsPat
Co-StarringMalcolm RennieRenee
Co-StarringMartin BishopRichard