S02E11 - Midnight Train to Royston

No: 21  |  Season: 2   Episode: 11  |  Air Date: 1-Oct-21  |  Runtime: mins


A billionaire football enthusiast from Ghana makes Sam an unbelievable offer, causing both Sam and Rebecca to struggle with the future. Ted's plan to give Dr. Sharon a special going away gift goes awry. Roy and Keeley's relationship takes a strange turn. Nathan betrays one of his biggest supporters.

Director and Writers

Director: MJ Delaney
Writers: Sasha Garron


Ted: (enters Rebeca's office) Bing-bong, you ding-dongs.
Rebecca: Guess who is going to be featured in Vanity Fair's business issue as a powerful woman on the rise.
Ted: (excited) I finally got it? This is incredible!
Rebecca: Ted!
Ted: Yeah?
Rebecca: Not you. Keeley.
Ted: Oh, that makes more sense. Hey, congrats, Keeley. That's gonna be a Vanity Fair to remember.

Ted: Dr. Sharon's last day is tomorrow, and we're all chipping in to get her something special.
Rebecca: What did you decide on?
Ted: An envelope of cash. You know, I figured she already has all our deep, dark secrets. Kinda tough to top that with a scarf and a candle, you know?

Rebecca: Who is Edwin Akufo?
Higgins: His father owns the largest tech firm in Ghana.
Ted: Wait a second. I thought I did.
Higgins: ...Until he died last month.
Ted: I apologize for my joke.

Will: Hi. Got the suit Ted bought you back from the dry cleaners.
Nathan: Oh, it's my suit! The second Ted gave it to me, ownership transferred, and it became my suit, Will.

Roy: Oi, are my eyebrows crazy? I've gotta do a photo shoot with Keeley tonight, and the photo shoot coordinator told me my eyebrows are crazy.
Nathan: Jesus, are my eyebrows crazy?
Roy: They wanna do a "at home with the footballer boyfriend" shot. Bet they won't even use it. She also told me I've gotta wear all black so that Keeley pops.
Nathan: You're always wearing black.
Roy: This isn't black. This is dark heather charcoal.

Nathan: When we play Brentford, we should play with a false nine.
Ted: Couldn't agree more. What is that?
Roy: Play without strikers.
Ted: Okay. Wait, so Jamie and Dani ain't gonna play?
Coach Beard: They do, but they play in midfield where no one expects them to be.
Ted: Yeah. I see. Okay, so we got both our aces tucked up our sleeves, huh? Love that.

Nathan: Here we go again. Give Ted yet another idea he'll take all the credit for.
Roy: That's the job, son.

Coach Beard: You know, we used to believe that trees competed with each other for light. Suzanne Simard's field work challenged that perception, and we now realize that the forest is a socialist community. Trees work in harmony to share the sunlight.
Nathan: Can't you just give me a straight answer for once?
Roy: I think he just did.

Coach Beard: Your eyebrows aren't crazy.
Roy: Thank you.
Coach Beard: They're psychotic.
Roy: I appreciate that.

Edwin Akufo: My most sincere apologies. I was told your training would be finished by now.
Ted: Oh, that's okay. Hakuna matata, right? (Laughs) Oh, I'm sorry. That was kind of racist, wasn't it?
Edwin Akufo: Oh, you know, Timon and Pumbaa are cartoons. So I'll let it slide.
Ted: Hey, I appreciate you. So, you must be Edwin Akufo, huh?
Edwin Akufo: Yeah, I am.
Ted: I'm Ted Lasso. (holds out his hand for a handshake)
Edwin Akufo: I don't shake hands. But I have someone who does. Francis.
(Francis steps forward and shakes Ted's hand)
Ted: That is one of the best handshakes I've ever hand shook right there. Firm yet comforting, you know, like a weighted blanket for my hand toes.

Edwin Akufo: Relegation destroys some teams, but it's only seemed to have made yours stronger.
Ted: That's all 'cause of the boss right here. (referring to Rebecca) Trickle-down economics may stink, but trickle-down support smells like pizza, roses and, I assume, Viola Davis.

Edwin Akufo: I'm interested in buying one of your players. Sam Obisanya.
Keeley: (surprised) But Rebecca loves Sam.
Ted: Yeah, we all love Sam.
Keeley: Exactly.
Higgins: Also, Sam is under contract with us for another three years.
Edwin Akufo: Yes, I understand. Therefore, I would offer you a generous transfer fee of so much money that people would think I'm crazy, and you've taken advantage of me, in a financial, non-sexual way, of course.
Higgins: I believe he's making you an offer you can't refuse.
Ted: Oh, Godfather, I see you.
Rebecca: Well, I'm refusing an offer he can't make.
Ted: Is that a quote from the third movie?

Ted: Well, gosh dang it. Now I wish we had two Sams, you know? One for y'all and one for us. Where are we at with cloning these days, by the way? Them Scottish folks have been mighty quiet on that front for a while, which means we gotta be close, right?
Edwin Akufo: Yeah, well, like my father used to say, a sad white man is still a white man.
Ted: Word.

Edwin Akufo: (to Sam) I figure we could maybe go to a museum, have something to eat.
Sam: Sure.
Edwin Akufo: Wonderful. After you.
Sam: Okay.
Edwin Akufo: It's lovely to meet you all. Bye.
(They leave)
Higgins: So strange. I once wrote a play about a billionaire who took a footballer to a museum and then dinner.
Rebecca: What happens in the play?
Higgins: Well, they get their meal for free because they found a little bit of glass in the pasta.

Nathan: I just wondered if you'd mind helping me pick out a fancy suit?
Keeley: Abso-fucking-lutely. Perfect timing, actually. I've gotta pick up some outfits for this photo shoot I'm doing. Come with.
Nathan: What, now?
Keeley: Now. Let's go kill two birds with one stone.
Nathan: All right, yeah. Let's go... murder some birds with a rock.

Ms. Bowen: It's Coach Kent, which can only mean nobody told him it's a half-day and Phoebe's mom picked her up hours ago.
Roy: Fuuuuuuuuuu... ...n. That's fun, innit?

Roy: (referring to a table full of alchohol) I always thought this was what the teachers did when we went home.
Ms. Bowen: Art fundraiser tonight. For 20 quid, you can buy a kid's art. For 40, I'll send it home with you already in a rubbish bin.
Roy: That's a solid business model.

Ms. Bowen: I won't be able to display Phoebe's artwork.
Roy: Why not?
(Ms. Bowen shows Roy drawings of breasts)
Roy: Oh, no. She draws ti...
Ms. Bowen: Unnervingly accurate charcoal sketches of breasts, yes. There were more, but some of the boys stole them and I think are using them as currency.

Ted: Okay, so let's see. You and...
Rebecca: Sam...
Ted: ...uel L. Jackson?
Rebecca: Obisanya.
Ted: Right, okay. Just checking. Okay, well, you know, I think that's great. Hold on. Wait. No... Yes. Yeah, I do. No, I think that's fine.
Rebecca: I think I need to end it.
Ted: Sure, I can see that.
Rebecca: I asked him for a bit of time to figure things out. And now we're in a bit of a limbo situation.
Ted: Great party game, horrible relationship status.

Ted: Sam and Rebecca are already one of my all-time favorite TV couples. To have one of them in real life? Yes, please.

Ted: Well, Rebecca. Listen to me. Don't listen to me. Don't listen to Edwin Akufo. Don't even listen to Sam. You just listen to your gut, okay? And on your way down to your gut, check in with your heart. Between those two things, they'll let you know what's what. They make good harmony, like two-thirds of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, you know what I mean?

Ted: You know, boss, you're starting to develop a bit of a habit.
Rebecca: Am I?
Ted: Oh, yeah. Same time, same place last year, you dropped another truth bomb on me.
Rebecca: See you next year.
Ted: I can't wait.

Nathan: God, this place is so posh. Feel like I'm not supposed to be here.
Keeley: This place is for rich twats who piss away all their money on an outfit they only wear once. But, Nate, today you are one of those twats.

Jarkko: I'm worried about the crotch. Does the crotch feel loose? The crotch looks loose. Keeley, thoughts on the crotch?
(Keeley and Jarkko kneel down to stare at Nathan's crotch)
Nathan: Oh, my Go...
Keeley: I think the crotch looks great.
Jarkko: We can have the crotch taken in. It's better to have a tight crotch than a loose crotch, you know?
Nathan: (gulp)

Ted: I just came up to invite Doctor Sharon to Colin's birthday party tomorrow night.
Higgins: Colin's birthday is August the 21st.
Ted: I love that you know that.
Higgins: Yeah, I know everybody's birthday.
Ted: Really? Liam Neeson.
Higgins: June 7th.
Ted: Tina Turner.
Higgins: November 26th.
Ted: Chuck Norris, Sharon Stone, and Osama Bin Laden.
Higgins: All March the 10th.
Ted: You are good.

Ted: Beg to differ, Higgy Stardust. Sharon's last day is manana.
Higgins: Yes, but an emergency came up, and she has to leave tonight.
Ted: Wait, she left without saying goodbye?
Higgins: She wrote everybody a letter. Mine was very nice. Here's yours.
(Ted refuses to take the letter)
Ted: No.
Higgins: Don't "let-her" her get away with it, Ted!

Roy: So you're Ms. Bowen, the mean teacher. Well, Phoebe likes you.
Ms. Bowen: She's smart. Most of them hate me. They have, like, 20 different mean nicknames for me.
Roy: Go on.
Ms. Bowen: I don't know any of them. Ms. Bowlegs, Ms. Boring, Ms. Bonehead, Ms. Bellend, Boaty Ms. Boatface and then there's one little boy who simply calls me Fuck-witch, which is admittedly my favorite.

Ted: (To Dr. Sharon) Well, well, well. Look what the weird bike rode in.
Dr. Sharon: Ted, how long have you been standing out here?
Ted: A long time. And I really gotta use the john too, but I'm gonna hold it a bit longer, 'cause I'm so dang ticked off at you.

Dr. Sharon: (to Ted) Thanks to you, I've learned that expressing my vulnerabilities can help my patients with theirs. You helped me become a better therapist. And that's saying something, because I was already f*cking brilliant.
Ted: That's nice of you to say. And yet, you were gonna leave without letting me know any of that.
Dr. Sharon: Ted, it's all in the letter.
Ted: It's all in the letter! It's all in your... Okay, well, fine. I'll read your stupid-ass letter. Unbelievable. You spelled "favorite" wrong.
(Ted reads the letter)
Ted: It's a very good letter.

Sam: I've never had West African food this good in London. I can't believe I didn't know this place existed.
Edwin: Well, it doesn't. I had it created for us. I brought in my own chefs. I travel often, and I know what it's like to miss the food from home.

Edwin: Sam, you are the fourth person to know this. I'm buying Raja Casablanca in Morocco. My only focus in life will be to make us one of the biggest clubs in the world. Bayern, United, PSG, Barcelona... Casablanca. The greatest African players around the world will come home to play for us. Mark my words, in 20 years, an African team will win the World Cup.

Roy: Hey. I'm sorry I'm late.
Keeley: You're not late, babe. Your outfit's in the closet.
Roy: You look cool as f*ck.

Keeley: Please say that it's gonna be good 'cause I'm really losing it. I'm so nervous.
Roy: Babe, you've done a thousand magazines. You did an advert for a service station where you jumped out of an airplane topless eating a hamburger. You can't be more nervous than that.

Roy: The real you is f*cking amazing. And now the whole world is gonna get to see that. You are Keeley f*cking Jones, the independent woman. You're gonna kill it.

Keeley: All right, so, earlier when I was suit shopping with Nate, there was a little misunderstanding. He tried to kiss me. It wasn't a big deal, but I just thought you should know.
Roy: Sh1t. That must've been awkward. Thank you for telling me. (pauses) I was talking to Phoebe's teacher earlier for three hours. And at the end she asked me if I was married, and I just said no, nothing else. I don't know why.
(both pause to think)
Keeley: At the funeral, Jamie told me he still loves me.
(both pause to think)
Photographer: Okay. Here we go. Turn to me.
(they both turn and awkwardly stare straight forward)

Ted: If you excuse me, I'm gonna go hit one of my favorite British words, and my absolute favorite Diamond Phillips, the loo.

Baz: (to Dr. Sharon) You're the shrink for the team, yeah? (turns to Jeremy) Go on. Ask her.
Jeremy: I'm scared of snakes. Like, really scared of snakes, even the tiny ones in my garden. Does that mean anything?
Dr. Sharon: Do you want it to mean something?
Jeremy: I just don't wanna be afraid when I'm tending to my tomatoes.
Dr. Sharon: Because the garden is your safe space. Is it about the snakes, or is it about the fear and anxiety slithering into your consciousness?
Jeremy: That's it. The last one! That's it!
Jeremy: Sorceress.
Baz: I have a recurring dream...
Dr. Sharon: (whispers) Oh, God.
Baz: ...where I'm floating. Not flying, floating.
Mae: (interrupting) Piss off, you three. You want psychiatric help, call the number I gave you.


"Bye Bye Bye" by Nsync (Music for the team's dance routine)

"Run Away (Extended Mix)" by Le Pars (Plays while Keeley and Nathan are trying on clothing)

"Love is Everywhere (Beware)" by Wilco (Plays during the photo shoot)

"cold/mess" by Prateek Kuhad (Plays while Roy and Keely are talking)

"Karma Police" by Radiohead (End credits music)

Notes and Trivia

The episode title, "Midnight Train to Royston," is a sendup to the Gladys Knight & the Pips song "Midnight Train To Georgia."

We see that fans of a newly popular Sam Obisanya have decided to use "Seven Nation Army" as the basis for his chant.

Coach Beard is reading "Entangled Life: How Fungi Make Our Worlds, Change Our Minds & Shape Our Futures" a Merlin Sheldrake book about the wonders of fungi.

When Ted says, "Sam and Rebecca are already one of my all-time favorite TV couples," he is referring to the television show "Cheers."

When Ted Refers to Dr. Sharon as "Mr. Nelson," he is referring to Prince, who's real name is "Prince Rogers Nelson." Ted comes to this reference after Dr. Sharon tells him the origin of her "SMF" pinball high-score handle was "Sexy Motherf$cker," and "Sexy MF" is a popular song by Prince and the New Power Generation.

Near the end, when Ted receives text messages from Trent Crimm, you will notice that his apartment is clean and tidy, in comparison to its messy state in the previous episode.




Details about common filming locations such as The Crown and Anchor Pub, The Dog Pound Stadium and The Richmond Greyhounds practise field can be found here.

The museum scene, where Sam and Edwin spoke, was filmed in London's "Natural History Museum," Cromwell Rd, South Kensington, London. (Google Images)

The scene where Sam and Edwin dined was filmed at 20 Thurloe St, South Kensington, London. Note, this location is about two blocks away from the museum where they talked. (Google Street View)


StarringJason SudeikisTed Lasso
StarringHannah WaddinghamRebecca Welton
StarringJeremy SwiftHiggins
StarringPhil DunsterJamie Tartt
StarringBrett GoldsteinRoy Kent
StarringBrendan HuntCoach Beard
StarringNick MohammedNathan Shelley
StarringSarah NilesDr. Sharon Fieldstone
Starring (With)Juno TempleKeeley Jones
Guest StarringToheeb JimohSam Obisanya
Guest StarringSam RichardsonEdwin Akufo
Guest StarringRuth BradleyMs. Bowen
Guest StarringCristo FernandezDani Rojas
Guest StarringKola BokinniIsaac
Guest StarringAnnette BadlandMae
Co-StarringBilly HarrisColin Hughes
Co-StarringMoe Jeudy-LamourThierry Zoreaux
Co-StarringStephen ManasRichard Montlaur
Co-StarringMohammed HashimMoe Bumbercatch
Co-StarringDavid ElsendoornJan Maas
Co-StarringCharlie HiscockWill Kitman
Co-StarringArlo WhiteHimself
Co-StarringChris PowellHimself
Co-StarringAdam ColborneBaz
Co-StarringBronson WebbJeremy
Co-StarringKevin 'KG' GarryPaul
Co-StarringGus TurnerHenry
Co-StarringEdwin De La RentaFrancis
Co-StarringNicola WrightMrs. Selig
Co-StarringAlexander DevrientJarkko
Co-StarringCat KolubayevSamantha
Co-StarringMiranda ShamisoJanette
Co-StarringTino OrsiniHimself