S03E04 - Big Week

No: 26  |  Season: 3   Episode: 4  |  Air Date: 5-Apr-23  |  Runtime: 49 mins


Everyone's feeling the pressure as Richmond gear up to play West Ham. Ted is reunited with an old friend.

Director and Writers

Director: Destiny Ekaragha
Writers: Brett Goldstein


Roy: Now get dressed. Or I start flicking your balls.
Jamie: This is perverse.

Sassy: You know, you snored all night.
Ted: Hmm. I'm sorry about that.
Sassy: That's all right. It's actually very soothing. Sounded like the sea.
Ted: Well, I'm glad you didn't hear any boat horns, given all the fried yams I ate last night.

Ted: Hey, I was thinking. We have a good time together, yeah?
Sassy: They're called simultaneous orgasms, Ted, yes.

Sassy: Ted, on the day my ex got remarried, I drank a bottle of red wine through a straw and told my Uber driver I was in love with him. Then, when he dropped me home, I puked so much, my mouth was like an elevator from the g*dd*mn Shining.

Coach Beard: So, the one thing we cannot do against West Ham is the False Nine.
Roy: 'Cause that's Nate's shit.
Coach Beard: Exactly. So, we decided to go with our classic 4-4-2.
Roy: Which is exactly what that prick expects us to do.
Coach Beard: So, we do the opposite. Five up front. Full-on attack. But Nate knows we're gonna do that, because Nate knows that we're trying to outthink him by thinking like him.
Roy: Well, f*ck Nate, f*ck thinking and f*ck f*cking Socrates.
Coach Beard: So, we gotta stop thinking like Nate and start thinking like Nate would think we would think if Nate were thinking like us, and then do the last thing that Nate thinking like us thinking like Nate thinking like us would ever expect us to do... Have Zava drop back and play Nate's False Nine.
Roy: Voi-f*cking-la.
Higgins: Brilliant.

Ted: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Y'all pointin' more fingers than Ganesha givin' directions.

Higgins: Sounds like a case for the Diamond Dogs!
Coach Beard: Release the hounds. (HOWLING)
Ted: Yeah, here we go! Let's do it.
Roy: F*ck sakes.

Coach Beard: Pain is like carbon monoxide. Expressing it to the person who hurt you is like opening a vent, but holding it in will poison you.

Zava: We must ignore these talking faces. Even when they are in our favor. Thank you, "Zorro."
Zoreau: Oh, exactly, but it's, uh... It's actually pronounced, uh, "Zoreaux."
Zava: Why?
Zoreau: I don't know. Because that's how my parents say it, I guess?
Zava: My friend, you can be whoever you want to be. I let all of my children name themselves once they reach the age of seven. That is why my eldest is called "Smingus Dingus."

Manager: Look who's here. No f*cking way! Do you know who this is?
Hostess: Mmm. Jason Jelly.
Manager: That's right.
Nathan: No, "Nathan Shelley."

Manager: This man's money is no good here. Never charge. Except for booze. Gotta charge for booze.
Nathan: I didn't order any booze.

Shandy: Look into the camera and pretend you're talking to an old friend.
Dani: My oldest friend is Javiar.
Shandy: Great. How long have you known Javiar?
Dani: Only a couple of months, but he turns 108 years old next week.

Coach Beard: Coach, you're gonna wanna watch this.
Ted: Ooh, is it one of them videos of a military parent coming home after a long tour? 'Cause if so, I'm gonna be eating tears and snot for dinner.

Ted: Thank you for your help, Trent. May a young Robert Redford portray you in a film someday.
Trent Crimm: Probably Dustin Hoffman.

Coach Beard: I was thinking about your Sassy situation.
Ted: Oh, yeah.
Coach Beard: Jane's sister is in town.
Ted: No, thank you, Coach.
Coach Beard: That's the right answer.

Rebecca: So, how's the little one?
Rupert: Oh, yeah, Diane. She's already walking. Can you believe that? Yeah. Drooling and pooing around the house.
Bex: Takes after her father.

Higgins: Oh, it's like that old riddle.
Rebecca: What riddle?
Higgins: You know, always a tricky one, this one. A father and son are in a car wreck. Dad dies instantly, the son is rushed to an emergency room. A surgeon walks in and says, "I can't operate on this boy. He's my son." How is it possible?
Keeley: Because she's a woman.
Rebecca: She's gay.
Barbara: Sperm donor.
Shandy: He lives in a simulation?
Higgins: Right. Yeah, I guess that's a bit dated now.

Arlo: It's a full house for today's battle between West Ham United and Zava's AFC Richmond. A win would take either team to the top spot in the table, knocking mighty Manchester City off number one. Should be a tight match, Chris. Any predictions?
Chris: I stopped making predictions, Arlo. Because I was never wrong. Got to the point I was worried I was the one making things happen.

Jeremey: We're playing like Italians.
Baz: I know. It's awesome.

Arlo: It's getting a touch spicy out there.
Chris: Spicy, Arlo? This is vintage vindaloo.

Arlo: It went from evenly matched to unevenly matched to light a match on fire and put it into a can of petrol.
Chris: That second half should've come with a trigger warning.
Arlo: One extraordinary goal by Zava did not make it any less tough to watch. Richmond showed a side of themselves we've never seen before. They played angry, dirty and ugly.
Chris: Which are also the names of Zava's three youngest kids.

Zava: Sending off Van Damme was a mistake. He played with passion. "Passion" is a word we use when we talk about love. It is also a word we use to describe a crime. Sometimes it is also a fruit.

Gary: That was hard to watch. Thierry, West Ham's domination today saw Ted Lasso being totally exposed by his former assistant Nate Shelley.
Thierry: Gary, I love this quote from a Chinese philosopher, Laozi, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. When the student is truly ready, the teacher will disappear."


"Rebirth Of Slick (Cool Like Dat)" by Digable Planets (When Richmond arrives at the match)

"Joker and the Thief" by Wolfmother (When Richmond came on the field in the 2nd half)

"Fist Fight!" by Crisis of Conformity (2nd half of the Richmond vs. West Ham match)

"Sinister Kid" by The Black Keys (When Nathan arrives at Bones and Honey)

"Don't Think Twice, It's All Right" by Peter, Paul and Mary (End credits)

Notes and Trivia

This episode is dedicated to Grant Wahl, the American sports journalist who died while covering the 2022 FIFA World Cup last year.




Details about common filming locations such as The Crown and Anchor Pub, The Dog Pound Stadium and The Richmond Greyhounds practise field can be found here.

When Nathan visits at "A Taste of Athens" restaurant we recall he previously went to the restaurant in episode S02E05 - Rainbow. The actual restaurant is Mediterraneo, 37 Kensington Park Rd, London. (Google Places)


StarringJason SudeikisTed Lasso
StarringHannah WaddinghamRebecca Welton
StarringJeremy SwiftLeslie Higgins
StarringPhil DunsterJamie Tartt
StarringBrett GoldsteinRoy Kent
StarringBrendan HuntCoach Beard
StarringNick MohammedNathan Shelley
StarringAnthony HeadRupert Mannion
StarringToheeb JimohSam Obisanya
StarringCristo Fern?ndezDani Rojas
StarringKola BokinniIsaac McAdoo
StarringBilly HarrisColin Hughes
StarringJames LanceTrent Crimm
Starring (With)Juno TempleKeeley Jones
Guest StarringAndrea AndersMichelle Lasso
Guest StarringAnnette BadlandMae
Guest StarringAdam ColborneBaz
Guest StarringBronson WebbJeremy
Guest StarringKevin 'KG' GarryPaul
Guest StarringKaty WixBarbara
Guest StarringMaximilian OsinskiZava
Guest StarringEllie TaylorFlo 'Sassy' Collins
Guest StarringAmbreen RaziaShandy Fine
Guest StarringEdyta BudnikJade
Co-StarringMoe Jeudy-LamourThierry Zoreaux
Co-StarringStephen ManasRichard Montlaur
Co-StarringMoe HashimMoe Bumbercatch
Co-StarringDavid ElsendoornJan Maas
Co-StarringCharlie HiscockWill Kitman
Co-StarringArlo WhiteHimself
Co-StarringChris PowellHimself
Co-StarringJadran MalkovichDisco
Co-StarringRosie LouMs. Kakes
Co-StarringKeeley HazellBex
Co-StarringElee NovaAnastasia Orlov
Co-StarringSpencer JonesDerek
Co-StarringBen MarsArnold
Co-StarringLloyd GriffithLloyd
Co-StarringJermaine JenasJermaine Jenas
Co-StarringRebecca LoweRebecca Lowe
Co-StarringMitra DjaliliChloe
Co-StarringDarren StrangeDan
Co-StarringOmar IbrahimJonny