Higgins - Ted Lasso

Higgins Quotes - Ted Lasso

Higgins quotes from the hit show "Ted Lasso"

S02E12 - Inverting the Pyramid of Success (Higgins Quotes)

Higgins: Whenever I see him in a hallway, I just give him a cool nod. You know, like this.
Keeley: Oh, sh1t. That was cool.
Higgins: I know, right? I saw it in a Denzel Washington movie, and I thought, "I'm taking that."

Higgins: (holding two small dogs) This is Mascot Idol: Semifinals. One of these two contestants will be our new mascot. Will it be Macy Greyhound or Tina Feyhound?

Higgins: A good mentor hopes you will move on. A great mentor knows you will.
Keeley: I like that.
Higgins: Yeah? Just made it up.

Ted: Did you get kicked out of your office again?
Higgins: No, no. Temporary relocation while they change the carpet in there. It was absolutely covered in dog sh1t.
Ted: Oh, yeah. No, been there, done that.

Higgins: In year five, I was not allowed in the class photo because I developed a rare smile allergy. (looks awkward)

S02E11 - Midnight Train to Royston (Higgins Quotes)

Edwin Akufo: (to Sam) I figure we could maybe go to a museum, have something to eat.
Sam: Sure.
Edwin Akufo: Wonderful. After you.
Sam: Okay.
Edwin Akufo: It's lovely to meet you all. Bye.
(They leave)
Higgins: So strange. I once wrote a play about a billionaire who took a footballer to a museum and then dinner.
Rebecca: What happens in the play?
Higgins: Well, they get their meal for free because they found a little bit of glass in the pasta.

Ted: I just came up to invite Doctor Sharon to Colin's birthday party tomorrow night.
Higgins: Colin's birthday is August the 21st.
Ted: I love that you know that.
Higgins: Yeah, I know everybody's birthday.
Ted: Really? Liam Neeson.
Higgins: June 7th.
Ted: Tina Turner.
Higgins: November 26th.
Ted: Chuck Norris, Sharon Stone, and Osama Bin Laden.
Higgins: All March the 10th.
Ted: You are good.

S02E08 - Man City (Higgins Quotes)

Higgins: (working in the cleaning closet) I'm just in here until my office exists. It's really no problem. If I spill anything, I'm next to everything I need to clean up.
Jamie: This is very, very sad.

S02E06 - The Signal (Higgins Quotes)

Ted: You back into floating office mode, huh?
Higgins: Yeah. But it's no bother. I'm a flaneur by nature.
Ted: I get that, yeah. Hey, Coach, what's a flaneur?
Coach Beard: A wanderer.

Higgins: (to Coach Beard) Look, let me ask you one question. You're a great man. Does Jane make you greater?
Coach Beard: (Cringes)
Higgins: Okay, look, I apologize. (moves to shake hands)
(Coach Beard pushes his hand away, then hugs him)
Higgins: Okay, okay. That...
Coach Beard: I hear you. I get it. We will never speak of this again.

S02E05 - Rainbow (Higgins Quotes)

Higgins: We have an inquiry from AFC Wrexham. Just got a call from their new owners, showbiz magnates Rob McElhenney and Ryan Reynolds. I can't tell if them buying the club is a joke or not, so I haven't replied to them yet.

Rebecca: Did you just see what was on my screen?
Higgins: Oh, no, no, no, no. (sighs) I have five boys. I never look over anyone's shoulders to see what's on their screens. I used to.

Rebecca: So your ringtone for your wife is "She's a Rainbow" by the Rolling Stones? That's awfully affectionate.
Higgins: Yeah, well, it's our song. It was playing the moment we met. And, uh, it's not an exaggeration. She really is my rainbow.

Rebecca: It is so odd to imagine you young.
Higgins: Yeah, I get that a lot. I was the only kid in primary school with sciatica. I had a gelatinous L4 and five.

Higgins: The night I met my wife, I was attempting to be a brooding punk with hair spiked out to here. (raises hand high over his head) And then, uh, "She's a Rainbow" came on and I started playing upright air bass but I had a pint in my hand and ended up pouring beer all over my head. Oh! Everyone in the bar laughed, except one person who handed me a damp, disgusting bar towel. And I've been married to her for 29 years.

S02E04 - Carol of the Bells (Higgins Quotes)

Higgins: To my lovely wife, Julie, my sons... To you and all your families back in Lagos, Guadalajara, Groningen, Cordon, Montreal, Benin City, Harare, Kingston... and Santa Cruz de la Sierra.

S02E02 - Lavender (Higgins Quotes)

Ted: Hey, Higgins. Did you hire Dr. Sharon without running it by me first?
Higgins: Yes. I thought it couldn't hurt. But I should've asked you first, Ted. You're absolutely right.
Ted: No, I'm dead wrong. I mean, heck, you're Director of Football Operations. You gotta be able to make your own decisions. Still, you should've texted me first.
Higgins: That's 100% true.
Ted: No, 1,000% false! I mean, you're a busy man! Whatever path you think is best is gonna be best! Still, next time you have plans, I want you to run 'em by me first. Okay?
Higgins: No, I will not.
Ted: Good! Why should you? I ain't your daddy.

S02E01 - Goodbye Earl (Higgins Quotes)

Higgins: We just received a giant food delivery from our rivals over at Brentford F.C.
Keeley: That's nice. What kind of food?
Higgins: Thai... Oh, now I get it.

Higgins: I should go. I promised the boys we'd watch Empire Strikes Back tonight, and I have to get my thoughts together for when they ask about Luke and Leia making out.

S01E10 - The Hope that Kills You (Higgins Quotes)

Rebecca: Thank you, Leslie.
Ted: Leslie? Is that your first name?
Higgins: It was my mother's name. I'm what's known as a feminine junior.

S01E09 - All Apologies (Higgins Quotes)

Rebecca: There are a lot of surprises happening here. Like that tiny little beard.
Higgins: It's called a Van Dyke after the 17th century Flemish painter.
Rebecca: Oh. Right.
Higgins: And I think it makes me look how I feel. Chill.
Rebecca: How does Mrs. Higgins feel about it?
Higgins: She hates it with a white-hot intensity.

S01E06 - Two Aces (Higgins Quotes)

Higgins: This is my cat's collar. She was a faithful companion for 20 years. Gonna miss you, Cindy Clawford.

S01E04 - For the Children (Higgins Quotes)

Higgins: Hey, Ted. Uh, do you think Rebecca knows what the real Adele looks like?

S01E03 - Trent Crimm: The Independent (Higgins Quotes)

Rebecca: There's no way she can trace that photo back to me, can she?
Higgins: Yes.
Rebecca: What do you mean "yes"? Did you not use an alias or a burner phone?
Higgins: I'm not a spy, Rebecca. I'm just the director of football operations.