Jamie Tartt - Ted Lasso

Jamie Tartt Quotes - Ted Lasso

Jamie Tartt quotes from the hit show "Ted Lasso"


S02E12 - Inverting the Pyramid of Success (Jamie Tartt Quotes)

Jamie: Can I just say something first?
Roy: Yeah, okay. That's a good idea 'cause when I'm done, you won't have any teeth left, and you'll need them for the talking bit.
Jamie: Right. Yeah, okay. So, at Rebecca's dad's funeral, I told Keeley that I still loved her. It was wrong, and I shouldn't have done it, but I ain't used to being around dead people. It just... It did something to me, emotionally, you know? But I still... I shouldn't have done it, and it was wrong, but I just need you to know that I respect you, and I respect Keeley, and I respect your relationship, and I will never ever do anything like that ever again.
Roy: F*ck!

S02E10 - No Weddings and a Funeral (Jamie Tartt Quotes)

Jamie: (to Keeley) Listen, Keeley. I know that you're with Roy and that you're happy, but today's made me realize that I'd hate myself if I didn't say... I didn't just come back to Richmond to get away from my dad. I also came back 'cause of you. I finally think that I'm becoming the best version of myself, the kind of man that you always knew that I could be. And I know that this is a mad, shitty thing to do, but... I love you, Keeley.

S02E08 - Man City (Jamie Tartt Quotes)

Higgins: Fathers and sons. So tricky. They should really write songs about it.
Jamie: Think they do.
Higgins: Yeah, I know. I was just...
Jamie: Anyway... You... Are you close with your dad?
Higgins: Ups and downs, like everyone. It's complicated.
Jamie: Mine's not complicated. He's just a dick. Every situation, he does exactly what a dick would do. Not much you can do with that. Know what I mean?

Jamie: James Tartt. His mates are Denbo Cullens and Bug.
Higgins: "Bug"?
Jamie: Just Bug. One G. Like the animal. It's his legal name. Changed it.
Higgins: Because he's small like a bug?
Jamie: No, 'cause he eats bugs for money.

S02E07 - Headspace (Jamie Tartt Quotes)

Jamie: Will, do you think you could take me name off me shirt and then put it back on but bigger?

Roy: Jamie, what the f*ck were you doing? Richard loses his man, gets into the box, and you run the other way?
Jamie: I was pulling my defender out of his path.
Roy: He's your teammate. He needs you to come to the ball and support him. You all got that?
Jamie: Respectfully, Coach, that ain't what he needs from me. He needs me to give him space.
Roy: What'd you say?
Jamie: The best thing I can do in that situation is give him space.
Jan Maas: He's right, actually.
Jamie: Yeah, I know. I learned it from Pep.
Jan Maas: He got it from "Cruijff".
Jamie: Pronounced "Cruyff."
Jan Maas: Okay, Englishman.
Jamie: Look, whatever. The point is that Richard doesn't need me to crowd him. And since he's me teammate, I should trust him to do what's best, right?
Roy: F*ck! (walks off mad)
Jamie: I didn't say nothing bad this time!

S02E06 - The Signal (Jamie Tartt Quotes)

Jamie: Barnett, here's what's gonna happen, yeah. You're gonna foul me, and I'm gonna score all the way from back here.
Barnett: Piss off, Tartt.

S02E04 - Carol of the Bells (Jamie Tartt Quotes)

Keeley: Did you not buy a Secret Santa gift?
Jamie: I didn't know I had to. The email said "Secret Santa." I didn't wanna ruin the surprise, did I?

S02E03 - Do the Right-est Thing (Jamie Tartt Quotes)

Jamie: I know I wasn't the greatest teammate. I did some shitty things. I said some shitty things. But I want each and every one of you to know that I'm truly sorry and I'm ready to do whatever it takes to make it up to ya. Yeah?
Colin: You called me a jaundiced worm.
Jamie: Right, yeah. And I'm sorry about that, Colin.
Colin: In a profile for my hometown paper.

Bumbercatch: You hit on my mum. In front of my dad.
Jamie: I apologize for that, Bumbercatch. Please tell your father I'm sorry. And give Janet me best, yeah?

Jamie: I had this dope idea last night during me eyebrow threading. I'm gonna buy the whole team PS5s. They'll fu$king love me.
Ted: Yeah, but, you know, some folks might also consider that buying affection, you know.
Jamie: Exactly. Yeah, what better thing to spend money on than love? Hey?

S02E02 - Lavender (Jamie Tartt Quotes)

Host: The audience at home has voted. Danthony, Jamie. One of you will go home tonight. The other will continue his lustful journey.
Jamie: Better call your nan, mate. Tell her to put the kettle on.

Phillip: We are lucky to have with us, here in the studio, loser, Jamie.
Jamie: Easy, Phillip. I'm not just a loser, I'm the loser.
Holly: Well, Jamie, look, first things first, will you keep your promise to Amy? Are you gonna wait for her?
Jamie: Nah, no. I was just playing a game, do you know what I mean? Find the fittest girl there, have sex with her in the toilet, ask her to marry ya. Strategy.

Jamie: The second that I found out that George Harrison had died, I realized that I had to stop waiting for life to begin. Start taking chances. Living life to the fullest.
Holly: But George Harrison died 20 years ago.
Jamie: Yeah, but I only just found out.

Phillip: So what's next for Jamie Tartt?
Jamie: Don't know. Back to Man City. If Pep will have me, that is.
Holly: It's funny you mention that 'cause we've got a clip. You might find this quite interesting.
(cut to clip)
Reporter: Any thoughts on Jamie Tartt and his future with Manchester City?
Vinai Ahuja: Yes, Jamie. You know, my wife and I thought he and Amy were meant for each other. But no, he won't be coming back to Man City. We wish him luck.

Jamie: What you mean no one wants me? I'm Jamie fu%king Tartt.
Manager: You're too much of a liability. You act like an asshole and disappear on Man City. Then you act like an asshole and cheat on Amy with Denise by having Jacuzzi sex. No one wants you.
Jamie: What about a team in Spain or Germany?
Manager: (picks up the phone) Hello, Real Madrid? Do you want Jamie Tartt? No. Okay, thank you. See?
Jamie: You weren't even speaking Spanish.

Jamie: You gotta help me, man.
Manager: Jamie, you know you're like a son to me. Now you're like a dead son, which means I love you even more.

S01E10 - The Hope that Kills You (Jamie Tartt Quotes)

Jamie Tartt: Well, I'd never say a bad word about me old club... even though I did carry them through every match. But they're good lads. Apart from Roy Kent. He is a knob. You know, and it's nice to have a real manager like Pep, instead of that American rodeo clown. You know, Lasso sent me away, now they're facing the drop. Sunday, I get to put the final nail in the ashes. Instant karma, it's gonna get ya.

S01E08 - The Diamond Dogs (Jamie Tartt Quotes)

Jamie Tartt: I'm good. I had ten touches, I had two completed dribbles, and in the 89th minute they let me take a free kick. I scored. Got half a chub.

S01E05 - Tan Lines (Jamie Tartt Quotes)

Jamie: I'm happy to be the new brand ambassador for Darsteiner. The favorite beer of Jamie Tartt. (Photographers take pictures) Oh, wait, wait, wait. Get my tats. Get that one. (rolls up his sleeve) It's very important to me. Chinese for "arm."

S01E04 - For the Children (Jamie Tartt Quotes)

Sam: Jamie. Jamie. Sorry, I didn't put that cross where you wanted it.
Jamie: Ah. Forget it, mate. Hey, would it be too forward if I gave you some advice that might help improve your game a bit?
Sam: No. Please, anything.
Jamie: What you need to do is get yourself a time machine, and go back to the moment when your mom was about to fu$k a sad little man with no athletic talent. Pull her off him, fly her to Argentina, and drop her onto Maradona's c0ck. Hope that helps, mate.