Ted Lasso Quote

Coach Beard: Could I please use the phone?
Hotel Desk Clerk: The hotel phones are just for guests, I'm afraid, sir.
Coach Beard: Okay then. Could I please use your phone?
Hotel Desk Clerk: My personal phone?
Coach Beard: Yes, I lost my phone and my wallet, and I'm just trying to get back home.
Hotel Desk Clerk: And what would you be using my personal phone for, sir?
Coach Beard: Booking a cab.
Hotel Desk Clerk: Nope. I'm not falling for that.
Coach Beard: Oh, I'm not trying to trick you.
Hotel Desk Clerk: Exactly what a trickster would say.
Coach Beard: I would just go through my own account, you know.
Hotel Desk Clerk: That's how it starts, isn't it? First you book a cab. Next thing I know, you've geolinked my phone to your network and all of a sudden, you and fake Melania have downloaded all my bank details and you're using my identity to shift more poppy seeds to your own private island. No. Not tonight. I've been in this game too long now.
Coach Beard: What game?
Hotel Desk Clerk: You won't touch my phone. Within seconds, you'll have my mother's maiden name, all my cryptocurrencies. Not that I have any. Next thing I know, my hard drive is being confiscated by MI5 for illegal images that you've tricked me into downloading. Oh, no. You'll not make a fool of me. Not you. Not a dead ringer for Dame Judi Dench. Not anyone. Shame on you, sir! Good night.

Quote from S02E09 - Beard After Hours

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