Rebecca - Ted Lasso

Rebecca Quotes - Ted Lasso

Rebecca quotes from the hit show "Ted Lasso"


S02E11 - Midnight Train to Royston (Rebecca Quotes)

Ted: You know, boss, you're starting to develop a bit of a habit.
Rebecca: Am I?
Ted: Oh, yeah. Same time, same place last year, you dropped another truth bomb on me.
Rebecca: See you next year.
Ted: I can't wait.

S02E10 - No Weddings and a Funeral (Rebecca Quotes)

Deborah: What a chubby baby!
(baby cries)
Rebecca: Congratulations, Mother. You've just fat-shamed a baby to tears.

Rebecca: (while watching a Rick Astley video) I think you had a bit of a thing for Rick Astley, Mother.
Deborah: Well, maybe I did. But that's not him, is it?
Rebecca: Yeah, of course it is.
Deborah: No, I thought he was Black. That's Rick Astley?
Rebecca: Yes.

S02E08 - Man City (Rebecca Quotes)

Keeley: I haven't found a term I like yet for when I tell people I'm taking a sh1t. What do you use?
Rebecca: I need to reapply my lip liner. Men don't know what that means and women understand it requires time and focus.

Keeley: Get in there. Either it's gonna be the most amazing night or it's gonna be so sh1t that you can punish me for it for the rest of our friendship.
Rebecca: I do like the sound of that.

Rebecca: No. Sam. We can't... I'm your boss. No. No. You are way too young. I mean, you're what, like, 24?
Sam: I'm... I'm 21.
Rebecca: Oh, my God. I'm a pedophile. I feel... I've groomed you. All these messages. I was grooming you!
Sam: You didn't groom me, okay? We didn't know who we were.
Rebecca: Okay, but... but now we do, and this is not happening.

S02E07 - Headspace (Rebecca Quotes)

Rebecca: I mean, everything always goes wrong. All relationships are a nightmare.
Higgins: My relationship is the oxygen that gives me life.
Rebecca: Apart from Leslie's marriage, which is a bloody greeting card of some kind.

S02E06 - The Signal (Rebecca Quotes)

Rebecca: Your noise is back. What's up?
Higgins: I feel compelled to tell a friend something he won't want to hear.
Rebecca: Is this about Beard and Jane? I see her sometimes, lurking around the car park. I mean, she's a bit intense, but she's adorable. Like a tipsy Reese Witherspoon playing Running Charades.
Higgins: What's Running Charades?
Rebecca: What's Running Charades?

S02E05 - Rainbow (Rebecca Quotes)

Rebecca: This mystery man that I've been talking to on Bantr has just quoted Rilke. "Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasures".
Keeley: Oh, that is so hot. Maybe you're writing letters to a hung poet.

S02E04 - Carol of the Bells (Rebecca Quotes)

Ted: How you spending the rest of Santa's birthday?
Rebecca: I'm going to a Christmas party at a friend's house.
Keeley: What friend's that? First and last name, please.
Rebecca: Elton John.
Ted: Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer, Prancer and Vixen.

Ted: How long have you been doing this?
Rebecca: For years, but then Rupert... You know, I should have done it last year, but I just sat by myself instead. Drinking and plotting horrible things.
Ted: Oh, yeah? Like what?
Rebecca: Look, I know all too well how stunningly shitty the first Christmas after you get divorced can be. I just wanted to make sure you're okay.
Ted: Yeah, well, I am now, you know. A lot better than I would have been if I just drank whiskey all day and watched It's a Wonderful Life on repeat. That could have gone dark.

Ted: You're willing to miss a puppet show by Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz? 'Cause that sounds like a lot of fun.
Rebecca: Don't get me wrong, they are incredible. But all I really want to see those two do together is fu$k.

S02E03 - Do the Right-est Thing (Rebecca Quotes)

Rebecca: We could go and see a show tonight. What about The Mouse Trap? You know that Agatha Christie play where someone dies every performance? Usually in the audience. Seeing as only old people go and see it.

Nora: Why do all their dolls have to be tragically orphaned? Edith's parents died in the war. Emma's had scurvy.
Rebecca: Yes. The Americans really do the historical doll concept better, don't they? Must be their innate sense of triumph, however misguided.
Nora: Yeah, but no one does the orphans better than us Brits.

Nora: Hey, dick hole.
Rebecca: (types) "Dear Richard Cole."
Nora: You creepy old pedo.
Rebecca: (types) "My old friend."
Nora: Sam isn't going anywhere, asshole.
Rebecca: (types) "I have decided not to release Sam Obisanya."
Nora: You're a shitty old man with a tiny, shriveled penis. I feel sorry for your wife. Her life must be a constant hell.
Rebecca: (types) "Please give Daphne my love."
Nora: Sincerely, boss ass bitch.
Rebecca: (types) "Sincerely, boss ass bitch."

S02E02 - Lavender (Rebecca Quotes)

Ted: You ever been to a therapist, Rebecca?
Rebecca: What for? I can diagnose myself in a heartbeat. I thought being invulnerable would protect me, so I pushed people away for years, leading me directly to my greatest fear... Being alone. Big whoop.

S02E01 - Goodbye Earl (Rebecca Quotes)

Keeley: Twitter is going bonkers. Look.
Rebecca: Oh, God. Did we really make Michael Jordan cry?

S01E10 - The Hope that Kills You (Rebecca Quotes)

Rebecca: There's a great saying in Dutch football.
Ted: Oh, I don't speak Dutch.
Rebecca: That's why I was going to tell you in English.
Ted: Perfect. Lay it on me.
Rebecca: "Every disadvantage has its advantage."
Ted: Ooh, I like that.
Rebecca: Sure, you don't know what you're doing, but doesn't that mean that you see the game in a different way than any other football manager? And shouldn't that empower you to cause complete and utter confusion?
Ted: Cause confusion or create chaos. Yep. Yes, it is. Thanks, boss.
(Quickly runs out of the office and hits his head on the top of the door)
Ted: I'm fine. The chaos has already begun.

S01E09 - All Apologies (Rebecca Quotes)

Ted: You get nervous doing this kind of stuff?
Rebecca: It's a profile on women in football. It's not a big deal. There's, like, four of us: me, Karen, Delia and Posh Spice.
Ted: Oh, come on, now. Being a role model's a huge deal. Don't you realize that there's probably a little girl out there somewhere rocking a tiny eggplant-colored power suit, and she's just dreaming about becoming a sports executive someday.

Rebecca: (referring to the equipment room) My God, it smells of feet in here. I mean, it just... it just hits you immediately, doesn't it? It's hot. Like feet funk, right up your nose. Can you smell it?

Rebecca: Right, I'm not gonna beat around the bush. I'm just gonna... get straight to the point. No faffing around, 'cause that's just annoying, and definitely no procrastinating. Procrast... Procrast... That's a good word, isn't it? Procrastinating. Pro... Procrastinating. Huh. I wonder what the etymology of that word is. Obviously, "pro," very good, but "crast"? Crast... I have no idea. Hey! Why don't we look it up?

Rebecca: (to Rupert) You're nearly 70, and you're having a baby? I mean, what are you, a character from the fu#king Bible? When your kid hits puberty, you'll be nothing but a pile of dust and a black Amex card.

Rebecca: I have something I need to tell you.
Ted: Mm. Deja vu.
Rebecca: I'm a fu*king bitch. Nope, that's new. Ted, I lied to you. I hired you because I wanted this team to lose. I wanted you to fail, and I sabotaged you every chance I've had. It was me who hired that photographer to take the photo of you and Keeley. I set up the interview with Trent Crimm, hoping that he would humiliate you. And I instigated the transfer of Jamie Tartt, even though you'd asked me not to. This club is all that Rupert has ever cared about, and I wanted to destroy it. To cause him as much pain and suffering as he has caused me. And I didn't care who I used or who I hurt. All you good people just trying to make a difference. (sobbing) Ted, I'm so sorry.
Ted: Mm.
Rebecca: If you want to quit or call the press, I'll completely understand.
Ted: I forgive you.
Rebecca: You... What? Why?
Ted: Divorce is hard. It doesn't matter if you're the one leaving or if... you're the one who got left. It makes folks do crazy things. Hell, I'm coaching soccer for heaven's sake. In London. (laughs) I mean, that's nuts. But this job you gave me has changed my life. It gave me the distance I needed to see what was really going on. Yeah, but you and me... We're okay.

S01E05 - Tan Lines (Rebecca Quotes)

Rebecca: If any of the other players needed some branding work done, is that something you'd be interested in?
Keeley: I don't want you to offer me a job just 'cause I was nice to you in the loo the other night.
Rebecca: Why not? Men give each other jobs in toilets all the time.

S01E04 - For the Children (Rebecca Quotes)

Rebecca: Ugh. I haven't placed Elaine Kenner. Awful woman.
Higgins: She won't be attending tonight. She was kicked in the face by her horse.
Rebecca: Oh. That poor thing. Is the horse okay?

S01E02 - Biscuits (Rebecca Quotes)

Rebecca: Are you mad? Pandas are fat and lazy and have piss-stained fur. Lions are powerful and majestic and rule the jungle.

S01E01 - Pilot (Rebecca Quotes)

Rebecca: Rupert and I bought this on our fifth anniversary.
Higgins: Well, you have exquisite taste.
Rebecca: Do you want it?
Higgins: But it's a Hockney. It must be worth a million pounds.
Rebecca: Good point. You should've said yes.

George: Hey. I love what you've done to the place. Did you do it yourself or get some poof to help you?
Rebecca: I could ask the same of your hair.

George: Fired? What the fu$k for?
Rebecca: I suppose I could go for any number of reasons, really. Your casual misogyny, for one.
George: What?
Rebecca: I know, it's a big word. Ask one of your daughters what it means. Or perhaps it's your performance, having led this team through yet another remarkably average season. Or maybe it's because you insist on wearing those tiny shorts that force me to see one of your testicles.... and there's the other one. Liam and Noel. Though, perhaps not an oasis.

Rebecca: This is a wall of our previous owners.
Ted: Okay. And now look at this fella up here. How 'bout the girls and the champagne and everything? He looks like a good time.
Rebecca: That's my ex-husband.

Higgins: Ms. Welton, I was a bit skeptical, but after hearing you speak in there, I'm excited by your choice. Coach Lasso is just what we need.
Rebecca: He's an absolute wanker.
Higgins: I know... Pardon?
Rebecca: I hope he fails miserably. See, my ex-husband truly loved only one thing his entire life: this club. And Ted Lasso is gonna help me burn it to the ground. 'Cause I want to torture Rupert. I want him to feel like he's being fu*ked in the ass with a splintered cricket bat. Just in and out, over and over, in a constant loop. Like a GIF.