S04E05 - Riches of Embarassment

No: 39 | Season: 4 Episode: 5 | Air Date: 02-Sep-26 | Runtime: 48 mins

Is that Ted? He's eating a hot dog all alone. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I mean, a women's team selling out a Premier League stadium in their first year. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Henry told me this, "The more you take, the more you leave behind." What am I? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

You're like Bart Simpson, always wearing the same shorts. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Did you say oi or Roy? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Just out of curiosity, what date are you at? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Stay wild, young woman! Don't let them tame you! (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I haven't cried like that since my dad left me and my mum and then came back again. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I'm just glad they're not button fly because that can be tough to manipulate when your hands are cold. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I don't like how new jeans tell you how to sit versus the other way around. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I guess I just wanted to, you know, help them with what they do best. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Is that 'cause I whistled? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Away then, lassies. Come on. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

No one intimidates me. Except for Cynthia Erivo maybe, but that's more of an admiration thing, ya know? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I got here quite early. I just tucked myself in a bathroom stall and read my book. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Little sippy dippy. Great. Let's get wankered. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Well, there's a big difference between tapping a screen and showing up, isn't there? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Jill Scott: Quinn can scream all she wants, or she can put that energy into shopping for some goalie gloves. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

She's a dreamer, isn't she? And, you know, life can be hard on them. That's why she needs you, because you get shit done. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I think it's a great idea. In fact, I think it's the greatest idea that anybody has ever had. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Now, a message for the greatest football supporters in the world who are not here today. Where are you? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

If I didn't know me, and I saw me, well, I'd think that me was the loneliest man I'd ever seen. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Embarrassed. An emotion so useless, it should be embarrassed of itself. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I say, in the second half, we try and get a goal. And then, a little later, try to score another one. And once we tie this sucker up, we just have some fun and try to get one more. Yeah? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Gemma Jay lurking like a shark. She sends it in. Oh, what a goal! (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

That crowd was twice as big as our usual home games. You know that, don't you? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

That is more people than we have ever played in front of, okay? Those voices in your head, tell them to shut the f**k up, all right? You smashed it. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Summary

The women confront Chelsea in a tense showdown. Alice struggles under mounting stress while Rebecca deals with a tricky relationship situation.

Director and Writers

Director: Ellie Heydon
Writers: Phoebe Walsh

Blogs

Review: Ted Lasso S04E05 "Riches of Embarrassment" - Mid-season Crisis Moments Abound

Quotes

Mady: So, how's single life treating you?
Margy: Yeah, good. I'm really into knitting now. Uh, well, I will be once I've bought all the stuff.

Keeley: We're playing our first match at Nelson Road. I think this video will really help drive awareness and ticket sales. I mean, a women's team selling out a Premier League stadium in their first year. You understand how amazing this is?

Ted: There we go. Our provisional squad for this Saturday. Going against Chelsea ain't gonna be no easy breezy walk in the park. It's actually gonna be an exhausting 90-minute run around the pitch. But we got to give it a shot, yeah?
Alice: We can't beat Chelsea. We're not good enough.
Ted: Come on, Coach. How about a little positivity?
Alice: Oh, yeah. No, sorry, you're right. Um, they're too good.

Ted: Hey, you know what, that reminds me. Henry told me this, "The more you take, the more you leave behind." What am I?
Alice: What're you doing?
Coach Beard: Say it again.
Ted: "The more you take, the more you leave behind." What am I?
Alice: Please stop.

Lizzie: Can we ask you a couple of questions?
Ted: Oh, like one of them online quizzes? 'Cause if so, I consistently come up as Princess Jasmine for some reason.

Siobhan: Do you always wear those trousers? Never any jeans?
Shannon: You're like Bart Simpson, always wearing the same shorts.
Ted: Yeah, but at least I don't eat mine, right?
Boots: Do you think Bart eats his own shorts?
Ted: Good point. I guess he famously encourages other people to eat his shorts. You know? Okay?
Lizzie: Yeah, he does.

Keeley: Oi.
Roy: Did you say oi or Roy?
Keeley: Why does that matter? Seems like you respond to either.

Keeley: Oi, Roy. Just out of curiosity, what date are you at?
Roy: Nine.
Keeley: Interesting.

Rebecca: Do you think I'll ever get over this uniform? Is that why you became a pilot?
Matthijs: No, I became a pilot for the plane food.

Baz: Oi, Beard. Saw Jane's one-woman show last night. All three of us did. Bloody hell! What a performance.
Jeremy: Yeah. I haven't cried like that since my dad left me and my mum and then came back again. F**king prick.
Kevin: I only stopped crying about it as we started walking over here to you.

Ted: I didn't know you fellas were such big fans of the theater.
Baz: No, we're not. Theater's shite.
Jeremy: Yeah, if I wanna hear someone shout and scream for two hours, go round my mum's.

Coach Beard: I haven't seen you wear jeans since we went to that Cake concert at Bottleneck.
Ted: Oh, that's right. I remember we both bought vibraslaps after seeing that show.
Coach Beard: What you gotta do now is you gotta get a jean jacket.
Ted: What do they call that? A Canadian tuxedo?
Coach Beard: Yeah, except in Canada, where they just call it a tuxedo.

Ted: Hey, Coach, you know how to barbecue?
Alice: No.
Ted: It's great. Yeah, I don't mean just tossing a burger on a grill. I mean real barbecue, you know? Low and slow, lots of smoke. Kind of cooking that makes your neighbor poke his head over the fence. (chuckles) See, when I first started learning, I was always in a rush. Just lifting that lid, poking the meat, jacking that heat all the way up because I was impatient and hungry. Well, you know what happens? The meat gets all tough. I'd end up cooking all the tenderness right out of it. I kind of find that people are the same way. You know, you poke them and prod them every five minutes, they can get a little chewy. But if you trust the process, keep the temperature nice and steady, add a little spice when necessary and a little sauce to keep it sweet. Well, you got a good shot of ending up with something you're gonna be proud of.
Alice: I'll bear that in mind.
Ted: Yeah. Boy, I just got real hungry.

Rebecca: Ted, Matthijs is moving to London.
Ted: Hey, well, I'll be Amster-darned. That's great.

Rebecca: I mean, this long distance thing has been great for us for so long. I have been microdosing our relationship. Now, I'm just gonna be going the full trip. Like puking in a bucket in Peru like? (imitates retching) Ya know?

Ted: Yeah? I never would have pegged you as someone to, uh, use a drug metaphor.
Rebecca: Ted, I'm dating a man from Amsterdam.

Ted: What's wrong, Tommy Chong?
Rebecca: I don't know. What if he starts hating me? What if I start f**king hating him? You know, what if this all goes for shit? (sighs) I just don't think I can go through that again.
Ted: Hmm. I hear that. (chuckles) But I do think a lot of your concerns are rooted in the past, you know. And there's a reason that the rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield.

Keeley: Maybe you could try and go on date ten when you're up there. 'Cause then, when you're back, you'll be done with all of that. Then who knows?
Roy: I went on date ten last night.
Keeley: Oh, did you now?
Roy: I've been wanting to tell you the, uh, last couple of dates been with the same woman.
Keeley: Oh, yeah?
Roy: Well, the last few.
Keeley: How few?
Roy: Dates six to ten.
Keeley: Wow, that's great.

Ted: (sitting in the theatre) I don't like how new jeans tell you how to sit versus the other way around.

Stage Manager: Don't whistle. It's bad luck.
Ted: Oh. Shoot, I'm sorry. Superstition. I get it, yeah. I think it's pretty neat that someone can just be mindlessly doing something to soothe themselves, and, depending on where they do it, it could potentially lead to chaos.

Stage Manager: I watched a production of the Scottish Play by Shakespeare when I ten, and I spent the whole play trying to work out how there was a balcony on the stage one minute and then a giant banquet table the next.

Matthijs: Never in the history of all of mankind has a woman ever said she was fine when she actually was.

Rebecca Lowe: Jill, do Richmond have any kind of chance today?
Jill Scott: It's the eternal question, isn't it, Rebecca? Where sport and probability join in the purest congress.
Rebecca Lowe: Let's call that a yes.

Niamh: No one intimidates me. Except for Cynthia Erivo maybe, but that's more of an admiration thing, ya know?

Zelda: Oh, come on, Keeley. The only way forward is through, and sometimes the best way through is to get f**ked up. (produces a bottle of liquor)

Keeley: I don't get it. There was so much support for that video online. Now there's no one here for us.
Barbara: Well, there's a big difference between tapping a screen and showing up, isn't there?

Jill Scott: Quinn can scream all she wants, or she can put that energy into shopping for some goalie gloves.

Zelda: (referring to Keeley) Tough lot for that one.
Rebecca: How so?
Zelda: Well, because she's a dreamer, isn't she? And, you know, life can be hard on them. That's why she needs you, because you get shit done.

Zelda: It's like the Eurythmics.
Rebecca: Oh, f**king love the Eurythmics.
Zelda: I f**king love the Eurythmics. I f**king love the Eurythmics. I was at their very first show.
Rebecca: No, you weren't.
Zelda: I was, and there were more people on the stage than there were in the audience.
Rebecca: There's only two of them.
Zelda: I know. It was just me.

Rebecca: But... But now, a message for the greatest football supporters in the world who are not here today. Where are you?

Rebecca: (yelling) Yeah! Yeah! Where are you?
Jeremy: (watching on the television at the pub) Maybe we should have went to the game.

Ted: Okay. So Chelsea's playing pretty good, which ain't a shock. We all seen the game film. (chuckles) They got more highlights than a Real Housewife. But hey, we only down two goals. You know, last time I checked, two ain't three, and I see y'all trying out there. So if you ask me, y'all got nothing to be embarrassed about. Embarrassed. Look, I know us coaches up here can ask a lot of y'all at times. And some of those times, you don't give us what we want. But I also know that there are times when you ask something of us, and we could do a lot better job communicating with you. So I'm gonna start. No, I'm not married. I was, you know, for a while. Shoot, I've known my ex-wife longer than some of y'all in this room have been alive. (chuckles) And her and I, we, uh, we co-parent our son Henry, who I know y'all have met a few times. And every other Sunday after I drop him off at his mom's, I make the choice to eat alone. No, I'm not dating anyone. I think I'm ready to, though. I think. And no, I, uh, would not describe myself as lonely. (chuckles) Mostly because of you all, you know, and you guys. And a bunch of folks we get to work with around here. I'll be honest with you. I was a little rattled when I saw that photo y'all took of me. Because if I didn't know me, and I saw me, well, I'd think that me was the loneliest man I'd ever seen. You know? (chuckles) Yeah. And I was embarrassed. Embarrassed. An emotion so useless, it should be embarrassed of itself. (chuckles) And yet, it can trap any of us. Keep us small, scared, till we bust out of it, you know. It's like that quote. What is it? Um? "When embarrassed to remain in a tight bud?"
Alice: "A risk to remain tight in a bud."
Ted: That's it. Yeah, how-how does it go?
Alice: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
Ted: That's the one. Thank you, Coach. "When the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." When the risk to feel embarrassed becomes more painful than the risk it takes to try. Well, I know which risk I'd rather take. I need to take. It's the same one I want for y'all, you know, in here and out there. So

Ted: I say, in the second half, we try and get a goal.
(players laugh)
Ted: And then, a little later, try to score another one. And once we tie this sucker up, we just have some fun and try to get one more. Yeah? How's that sound?
(players nod in agreement)

Rebecca Lowe: And that is a stunner of an equalizer from Margy El Sherif!
Jill Scott: This game is their hostage now.

Jill Scott: General rule of thumb is to trust a gloveless goalie about as much as you trust a headless haberdasher... But today, I'll let it slide.

Keeley: You all played great, well done. It was so close. It was a really fantastic effort, yeah? Hey. I'm so sorry that the stadium's so empty. I... I f**ked up.
Lizzie: What're you talking about? That crowd was twice as big as our usual home games. You know that, don't you?
Boots: That is more people than we have ever played in front of, okay? Those voices in your head, tell them to shut the f**k up, all right? You smashed it.

Coach Beard: You know, Ted, we might have a coach problem.
Ted: Don't you mean we might have a problem, Coach?
Coach Beard: Nope.

Alice: This was their chance to make a statement.
Ted: Well, that's one of the great things about sports. There's always another chance.
Alice: Yeah, not in my experience.

Ted: You know, Alice, I had the privilege of working with another coach who had your fire. Unfortunately, I didn't notice what was going on with him before, uh? well, before he'd been burned to a crisp. So, in the hopes of learning from my mistakes, I'm going to try a different approach with you. I'm gonna suspend you for a match.

Music

"HONEYMOON" by Jo Hill (Opening scene music)

"Unstoppable" by Sia (Plays in the background during the team's hype video)

"The Wake" by Martyrs (Ted encourages Beard to see Jane's critically acclaimed one-woman show.)

"F**k the People" by The Kills (Rebecca yells at the halftime crowd.)

"Hold On" by Wilson Phillips (End credits music)

Notes and Trivia

When the stage manager mentioned "the Scottish play" she was likely referring to "Macbeth", and did not say the name because saying the word "Macbeth" inside a theater outside of rehearsal or performance is considered bad luck. Of course, Ted later says "Macbeth", and Beard immediately falls.

Rebecca's half time speech is a nod to Delia Smith's "where are you?" speech, made when she was owner of Norwich City. (Youtube.com)

The song Ted keeps whistling is "Sentimental Journey," a hit from the 1940's.

When Ted says, "Whose car are we gonna take?" he is doing a sendup to the crime thriller "The Town" (2010) where Ben Affleck's character says, "I need your help. I can't tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we're going to hurt some people", to which Jeremy Renner's character responds, "Whose car are we going to take?"

When Coach Beard says, "I haven't seen you wear jeans since we went to that Cake concert at Bottleneck," he is referring to The Bottleneck, a legendary bar in Lawrence, Kansas, that features live acts, and often showcased bands before they got big.

When Alice correctly recites the quote Ted was trying to recall, "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom," they are quoting a line often attributed to Anais Nin but actually written by playwright Elizabeth Appell about stepping out and taking risks.

The movie Keeley and Rebecca were watching at the end of the episode is "Bridesmaids" (2011). Incidentally, the movie ends with a surprise performance of "Hold On" by Wilson Phillips, the same song that plays at the end of this episode.

The episode ends with "In memory of Joel Stevens".

Goofs

None

Locations

Details about common filming locations such as The Crown and Anchor Pub, The Dog Pound Stadium and The Richmond Greyhounds practise field can be found here.