S04E04 - Greyhound's Day Off

No: 38 | Season: 4 Episode: 4 | Air Date: 26-Aug-26 | Runtime: 43 mins

You're listening to "Through the Laces" with Trent Crimm presented by our friends at Grady Locks, Hair care for the silver fox. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Sorry, I'm a little hard of hearing ever since I went to the Eras Tour and sat next to a group of overzealous girl dads. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Let me break it down in one of your little stories you love so much. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

The three cliques are like the three main characters in Harry Potter. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Yes, a mere ?2,000 a head to have lunch with the same people you'd never voluntarily choose to spend time with. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I've spent far too much time with rich, angry women. I mean, I used to be one. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Roy: I f**king love when you're excited. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Has it been long enough yet? Am I allowed to ask? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Higgins: Sorry, did I interrupt something? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Instead you've put me on this f**king pedestal. And it is high up here, man, and my heart is afraid of heights. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Let me guess, espresso martini? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I'm sorry. That's a friend of mine who's bad at time. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Is everybody okay? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Are you not naked? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Y'all sound like a bunch of overzealous girl dads fighting over friendship bracelets. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

If you were one of my kids, I would spank your arse so f**king hard that your crack'd turn sideways. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Now's the time to fill what's empty and empty what's full. See you in five. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I watched that Ferris Bueller film last night... and when it finished, I immediately rewatched it... and I watched it again this morning. I f**king hated it. I felt really sad for his sister. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Do you need help? No, I'm good. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I never really cared about football until I met Roy. But you wanna know what made me love it? You. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Did you seriously wear those socks on a date? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Ted Lasso, you're my hero. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Ted: What happened to you, man? Coach Beard: This. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

We bad. That's right. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

When do you think we can start having sex with each other in here? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I recommend that any random hookups happen in the horizontal position until the swelling goes down. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Who the f**k does she think she is? What the f**k is her f**king problem? How the f**k do I get her phone number? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I just don't remember 'em doing that much paperwork on Miami Vice. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Let's get a photo with the future Cup winners! (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I'm gonna get out of here, guys, 'cause I really hate the filth. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Wow. Ted and the Richmond women's team have been arrested. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Okay, that's a direct quote from my book. I knew it. I knew you'd read it. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Summary

The coaches must figure out how to break up team cliques. Ted adjusts to life outside the locker room.

Director and Writers

Director: Ellie Heydon
Writers: Sarah Walker, Dylan Marron, Julia Lindon

Blogs

Review: Greyhound's Day Off (S04E04) - It doesn't matter if you know why Ted does what he does

Quotes

Trent Crimm: You're listening to "Through the Laces" with Trent Crimm presented by our friends at Grady Locks, "Hair care for the silver fox." Use code "Trenty-twenty" to get 20% off your first order.

Dr. Sharon Fieldstone: Successful teams are happy teams, and happy teams have coaches that establish a culture of communication and trust. The majority of that work happens in the dressing room.

Ted: I don't like not being able to walk into a ladies' locker room whenever I feel like it.
Coach Beard: And that's something you should never say out loud again.
Ted: Yeah, I felt that the second after I heard the word "ladies" come spitting out my mouth. Yikes. That sounded worse than the last one.

Ted: I used to be able to walk into any part of this building. And I don't love being made to feel like I'm now violating the lady parts. What the heck is going on with me?

Ted: I'm a little hard of hearing ever since I went to the Eras Tour and sat next to a group of overzealous girl dads.

Alice: It's cliques. You never had cliques in the men's team?
Ted: Not really.
Coach Beard: No, we had factions.
Ted: You know, posses, maybe.

Ted: How do you think these cliques are divided though?
Alice: Well, it looks to me like it's currently by attackers, defenders, and midfielders, but that can change out of nowhere.
Coach Beard: Makes sense. Attackers think defenders are cautious and lack creativity.
Alice: And defenders think attackers are opportunistic and lack discipline.
Coach Beard: Meanwhile midfielders are the people-pleasers caught in the middle.

Alice: Let me break it down in one of your little stories you love so much. So the three cliques are like the three main characters in Harry Potter.
Coach Beard: Ouch.
Ted: Coach already knows this, but Harry Potter is one of my blind spots.
Alice: Mate, you don't know Harry Potter?
Ted: My little boy got into Percy Jackson, and we never looked back.
Coach Beard: It's okay. I'll translate. Carry on with your wizarding jag.
Alice: So the attackers are like the character Harry Potter.
Coach Beard: Who's like Ferris Bueller.
Ted: 'Cause they create exciting moments, but can be a little selfish at times?
Coach Beard: Boom.
Alice: Your defenders are like Ron Weasley.
Coach Beard: Who's a total Cameron Frye.
Ted: 'Cause they're protective and loyal, but they also skew anxious and risk-avoidant.
Alice: And then the midfielders are like Hermione Granger.
Coach Beard: The great Sloane Peterson.
Ted: 'Cause they are logical and seek balance and despite their quiet leadership can feel underserved by the narrative at times. Okay, got it. Wonderful.

Zelda Southport: You know, it's a shame that the repercussions of the patriarchy stopped men from wearing bronzer. Wow. You all look like ghosts in this light.

Keeley: We have to talk to her. The whole point in us being here is to talk to people who have done what we're trying to do.
Rebecca: Right. I've spent far too much time with rich, angry women. I mean, I used to be one.

Zelda: We don't need to be defined by our exes. I don't mind being defined by mine, 'cause I invented the banana clip. And my back-then much more business-savvy ex, he patented it in his own name, divorces me, and then he made millions. And that really pissed me off, so I invented the claw clip.

Ted: Sometimes you got to let these things heal themselves on their own.
Coach Beard: To quote Rachel Carson, "There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature."
Ted: Exactly. Nature should be healing itself. Like, when a worm loses its tail it'll just grow another one.
Coach Beard: That's right. But isn't a worm all tail?
Ted: That's a good question.
Alice: (interrupting) Yeah, footballers are not worms.

Keeley: She has two football teams in Europe, a WNBA, a professional ice hockey team, rugby. And she is financing the West End run of all-female Glengarry Glen Ross. She does have to arm-wrestle David Mamet for the rights, but I have all confidence that she...

Keeley: What?
Roy: Nothing. It's just... I f**king love when you're excited.
Keeley: Yeah. I am excited.
Roy: Has it been long enough yet? Am I allowed to ask?

Higgins: Keeley, I heard you met the Zelda Southport. Did you know she had a post-punk band in the early '80s called Seizure? Bit of a Slits derivative, but they had some really catchy tunes. You know that Deliveroo ad with the wiener dog on the back of the motorbike? I'm coming to you quickly, so quickly Woof, woof. That's a Seizure song.

Higgins: Sorry, did I interrupt something?
Keeley: Roy wants us to try again.
Higgins: Try what? (looks uncomfortable) oh, oh, I'm going.

Keeley: I don't think you're ready.
Roy: What the fuck do you mean I'm not ready?
Keeley: I mean, how many women have you dated in the past three years?
Roy: None.
Keeley: You haven't slept with anyone in three years?
Roy: I've slept with loads of people. I thought you said "dated."
Keeley: Why haven't you dated any other women?
Roy: 'Cause I want you.
Keeley: Yeah, for now.
Roy: What's that supposed to mean?
Keeley: You've slept with all these women, but you haven't actually committed to getting to know them. Really see who they are or let them see who you are. No, instead you've put me on this fucking pedestal. And it is high up here, man, and my heart is afraid of heights.

Keeley: You go and have fun on all those dates, yeah?
Roy: I will. And you be careful up there on your pedestal.

Ted: What do they do in the movies?
Coach Beard: In Mean Girls, Regina George gets hit by a bus
Ted: Double-decker would kill someone. That's a pass.
Coach Beard: In Heathers, Veronica murders all the Heathers.
Ted: Also a pass. What happens in Lost Boys?
Coach Beard: In Lost Boys, the vampire clique gets broken up by stakes to the heart.
Ted: Yeah. I'll tell you what though, it's the lack of adult supervision in that movie that's the real antagonist.
Coach Beard: Amen.
Ted: We ain't got a Mean Girl or a Heather or a dreamboat of a vampire with a dangling earring on our team.
Coach Beard: Love a dangler.

Ted: I've been suffering with so much FOBOLR these days...
Coach Beard: "Fear of being outside the locker room." Nice.
Ted: ...that I forgot the two quickest ways to bring a group of people together... a common enemy, or a common goal.
Coach Beard: Or better yet, one of each.

Mae: It's happening. I'm relaunching the pub quiz.
Ted: Relaunching? Why did you shut it down the first time?
Mae: Turns out all the answer sheets I downloaded were wrong. Every single question. Got into a bit of legal hot water. But now the NDA has expired, we're back.

Roy: I'm sorry. That's a friend of mine who's bad at time.
Greta: As in she's early for a drink, because you're dating us both on the same night?
Roy: Yes.
Greta: Great. I'm gonna go now.
Roy: Understood.

Roy: Are you saying those last two count as full dates?
Bartender: You bought the girl a drink, and you and the other one had some form of gesticular intercourse, I guess.

Ted: What the hell is going on in here, huh? Y'all sound like a bunch of overzealous girl dads fighting over friendship bracelets.

Gemma: Piss off, Lizzie. We're not one of your f**king kids.
Lizzie: I know you're not, my darling. Because if you were one of my kids, I would spank your arse so f**king hard that your crack'd turn sideways.

Ted: Hush your butts. I don't wanna hear it. That is what's happening, okay? So later tonight each and every one of you will get a Partiful invite, or maybe even earlier, if one of y'all show me how to do that kind of thing on my phone, 'cause I don't know how to download apps in this dang country.

Roy: The woman I want to be with told me I had to date ten women, and that is the only reason I'm on a date with you. You're lovely, and I've really enjoyed learning about your journey with sleep apnea. And if the circumstances were any different, I'd want to get another round and take you home, CPAP machine and all.

Boots: I once passed out on a train, woke up in Chelmsford, ended up working at a castle for three months.
Shannon: Is that why you don't drink?
Boots: What? I'm just telling a story.

(Referring to Coach Beard answering all the trivia questions)
Ted: Sometimes you got to ride the horse in the direction it's facing. In this instance, the horse is a genius at a very specific thing, and we are riding its coattails, you know? Speaking of which, did y'all get the Beach Boys over here?
Alice: What?

Mae: Now's the time to fill what's empty and empty what's full. See you in five.

Alice: So I watched that Ferris Bueller film last night.
Ted: Oh, yeah?
Alice: Yeah, and when it finished, I immediately rewatched it. And I watched it again this morning.
Ted: Wow, what'd you think?
Alice: I f**king hated it. I felt really sad for his sister.
Ted: Yeah, no, I get that.

(Referring to the women partying the jail cell)
Ted: How about that?
Coach Beard: Ted Lasso, you're my hero.

Lucas: (in jail) When do you think we can start having sex with each other in here?

Roy: This is such a f**king waste of time. I just need to ice it.
Erin: Ice. Brilliant. Let me get the Nobel committee on the phone. Until then, I recommend that any random hookups happen in the horizontal position until the swelling goes down... In your knee or your ego.

Roy: Who the f**k does she think she is? What the f**k is her f**king problem? How the f**k do I get her phone number?

Zelda: Don't worry, it didn't cost a cent. The Chief Constable, he's an old friend. He used to buy heroin from my drummer, and he owes me a favor because I know that he buys his coke from him now.
Keeley: Oh, my God, you're a legend. Thank you so much, Zelda.
Rebecca: Yes, thank you.
Coach Beard: May I trouble you for his number?

Zelda: (about the jail) I'm gonna get out of here, guys, 'cause I really hate the filth.

Sharon: It doesn't matter if you know why Ted does what he does. What matters is that he knows.
Trent: Okay, that's a direct quote from my book. I knew it. I knew you'd read it.
Sharon: I haven't read your book. I listened to it.

Music

"The Walker" by Fitz and the Tantrums (Opening scene music)

"When I Get My Hands On You" by The New Basement Tapes (Roy, Keeley, and Higgins discuss Roy dating women before attempting a relationship again.)

"Disposable Outcome " by The Safes (Ted and Beard at the pub discussing strategies to disrupt cliques.)

"Be Happy" by Mary J. Blige (Roy meets his first date at Bones and Honey.)

"Hideaway " by INZO (Roy's date with the woman with sleep apnea.)

"Quarter to Four " by Mariner (In the pub as the team meets for trivia night.)

"No Hard Feelings" by Wolf Alice (Keeley and Rebecca sit in an empty stadium.)

"Golden Rage " by Fashion Week (In the pub at the trivia intermission)

"Wild in the Streets" by Circle Jerks (Roy kisses the bartender.)

"It's Gonna Be A Long Night" by Ween (The bartender goes back to work, leaving Roy lying on the floor in pain. )

"Oh Yeah" by Yello (Plays when the women are partying in jail.)

"U.N.I.T.Y." by Queen Latifah (End credits music)

Notes and Trivia

The episode title "Greyhounds’ Day Off," is a direct reference to the movie "Ferris Bueller’s Day Off." As well as the title, there is a prominent Ferris Bueller character analogy scene, and a plot point where Coach Beard goes catatonic, just like the character Cameron Fry in "Ferris."

As he sends the team back to help clean up the pub, Ted says, "I know it's late. I know you're weary. I know your plans don't include me." These are lyrics from the Bob Seger song "We've Got Tonight".

When Ted and Coach Beard strut out of the jail cell saying "We bad!" it is a sendup to Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor strutting and saying "We bad" in the 1980 comedy movie "Stir Crazy."

Goofs

None

Locations

Details about common filming locations such as The Crown and Anchor Pub, The Dog Pound Stadium and The Richmond Greyhounds practise field can be found here.