S04E03 - Richmond's Got Talent
No: 37 |
Season: 4
Episode: 3 |
Air Date: 19-Aug-26 |
Runtime: 46 mins
Summary
Richmond's shareholders are unsure about a women's team; the coaches hold tryouts to fill out their roster.
Director and Writers
Director: MJ Delaney
Writers: Sasha Garron
Blogs
Quotes
Coach Beard: Maybe we'll find a janitor who's a mathematical genius.
Ted Lasso: Or a gold miner's daughter who is a ballet prodigy.
Alice: ... or a Susan Boyle.
Coach Beard: Nice.
Ted: What's a Susan Boyle? Is that what British folks call skin tags?
Alice: It's a... I have to look up your references, you have to look up mine.
Roy: Two wins, one loss, played like shit in all of them. We'll see what f**king happens.
Higgins: Concise as always.
Roy: You. F**king Marty McFly.
Marty McFly: Your contract ends this season. Have you given any thought about your future at Richmond?
Roy: Have I given it any thought? Yeah. Have you given any thought about the fact that it's none of your f**king business? ... Anyone else? ... Great.
Keeley: Hello, Richmond. This has been three years in the making, and we are finally here. The Lady Greyhounds.
Ted: Wearing a uniform can help create a sense of community and pride, like you're a part of something bigger than yourself. It's the same reason why teams wear uniforms, right, yeah?
Phoebe: It's called pizzazz, Uncle Roy. And considering your wardrobe, you could use some.
Roy: It's called minimalism, Phoebe.
Jenni: He's been dressing like he's part of the Mission Impossible franchise since he was about 14.
Keeley: So I read the full report last night.
Higgins: In one night?
Lizzie: This was a-a spontaneous decision for me, and I couldn't get childcare. So here we are.
Coach Beard: My mom was a bartender. Used to take me to work with her all the time. Told me shot glasses were kids' cups. Good luck.
Maria: Thank you for the opportunity to play for you today. My name is Maria Rojas, and I am from Guadalajara.
Coach Beard: Rojas as in "Dani Rojas"?
Maria: S?. He's my brother. He taught me everything I know.
Coach Beard: Good luck. (giggles)
Alice: This is useless. We're never gonna find anyone decent this way.
Ted: I got to say, Coach, you're being a little tough on something that was your idea.
Alice: It wasn't an idea. It was a joke.
Ted: Yeah, well, shoot, I bet all sorts of good ideas start out as jokes. You've got to think the first fella that ate an egg was just doing it to make his buddies laugh, right?
Alice: What?
(After seeing Maria is bad at football)
Ted: Well, I fear the apple may have fallen a bit too far from the old tree.
Alice: And right off a cliff into the depths of hell.
Coach Beard: Maria!
Maria: Yes?
Coach Beard: Um, you said your brother taught you everything he knows.
Maria: S?. Cooking, photography, software engineering. You name it, I know it.
Alice: Football. Did he teach you football?
Maria: Nope, it's my first time.
Coach Beard: But football is life.
Maria: No, dumb-dumb. Life is so much more than football.
Ted: So true. Not as catchy, but true.
Kid: Mister?
Ted: Hi.
Kid: Are you strong?
Ted: Am I strong? I mean, mentally or physically? Kind of depends on the quality of sleep I had the night before.
(Hands Ted an unopened packet of snacks)
Ted: Oh, yeah, I can help you out here. Sure. (Opens the snack packet and takes some for himself) Taxes.
Kid: Thank you.
Ted: You're welcome. Hmm. Who the hell is that?
Elaine Pinter: Rebecca, we're happy to continue sponsoring the men's team, but I have my concerns about the now apparent animosity towards your women's team.
Rebecca: Animosity? You people bankroll wars.
Elaine Pinter: Wars are profitable.
Lizzie: I just wanted to say that I really appreciate you considering me, and I found that really fun, even if it was just for an afternoon.
Ted: Yeah, well, get ready to have a whole bunch more fun 'cause we'd love to have you on the team.
Ted: What about what's her name?
Alice: Gemma.
Ted: Yeah, Gemma. What'd she say?
Alice: She wouldn't even talk to me.
Ted: So not no. Well, only way to know if it's a no, is if we go get a no, so we know.
Alice: What?
Coach Beard: You two are going on a field trip.
Rebecca: I hear your concerns and I understand them, I do, but what the report doesn't include is what I believe... that this team, given a chance, could be truly great.
Elaine Pinter: We don't invest in chance.
Rebecca: But that's what sport is. That's what life is, isn't it? A series of chances. The chance for you to run this company, a chance for you to start a family. We took a chance creating this team. Yes, for little girls to see amazing athletic women doing incredible things on the pitch, but equally important, so that little boys, just like your grandson, can grow up in a world where they don't know any different. And to do that, we need to be given a chance. By you.
Elaine Pinter: I was wrong about Brexit. I'll make a call.
Mae: I'll be at the match. I've got a season ticket. This is the most exciting thing that's happened in my entire f**king life.
Gemma: Wasn't even sure she knew my name the whole time we played together. She usually just called me "lazy cow."
Alice: That's because you were a lazy cow.
Gemma: Would a lazy cow study to become a lawyer?
Ted: No way. Cow on a laptop? There'd be typos all over the place regardless of its work ethic.
Gemma: You can move on to the next person on your list.
Ted: That's gonna be tough. We're looking for a great striker. I asked Coach if she knew any. You were her whole list.
Keeley: I just drove two f**king hours to a shipping facility, only to find out that the kits are on a truck coming here, even though I told Derek not to put them on the truck. What did Derek do?
Roy: Put them on a truck?
Keeley: He put them on the f**king truck!
Roy: It's okay. It doesn't really matter. It's just a friendly.
Keeley: O-Oh, just a friendly? Just a friendly? Women don't get friendlies, Roy. We either succeed or we fail. That is it. And that stupid report says that we're gonna fail, that I'm gonna fail.
Roy: You're not gonna fail. You're Keeley Jones, Woman on Top. Vanity Fair said so.
Keeley: AFC Richmond women are about to play their first ever game without their kits, so everyone's gonna think this team is a joke, but most of them already do, so it's not a big deal.
Roy: Anything I can do?
Keeley: You could go back in time and steal the identity of a man named Derek who works at the shipping facility and make sure my packages get to me on time. Although, that is not the most responsible use of time travel, is it? You should go back and encourage Hitler's art teacher to be more supportive of him. And then if you feel like swinging by 2025 on your way home and dealing with the Derek thing, I mean, you would be my hero through all the time. So yeah, I'll see you in the future. Thank you.
Ted: I'm just finally watching this Susan Boyle audition. She's the most talented woman on earth.
Coach beard: So true.
Alice: You quit law school?
Gemma: No. I'm gonna do both.
Alice: One foot in, one foot out.
Ted: Well, hey, if it works for the hokey pokey.
Alice: We'll see how long she lasts before she quits.
Ted: Well, now, Coach, I feel compelled to remind you that you quit on my first week.
Alice: Uh, no, I resigned actually. It's very different.
Ted: Yeah, and flatulence is just a fancy word for fart, but they both stink.
(Alice blows a raspberry at Ted and leaves)
Ted: Solid comeback.
Rebecca Lowe: I'm Rebecca Lowe here with former European Championship winner, Jill Scott coming to you live on the Internet as we prepare for the debut of AFC Richmond Women against the visiting Hayes and Yeading in this historic friendly. It's a momentous occasion, and the stadium is throbbing palpably. A moment so grand, it could only be captured by streaming.
Higgins: Matthijs how has your trip been?
Matthijs: My lady stood me up three days in a row for dinner. A waiter thinks I am pathetic, but it has not rained. So that's good.
Higgins: That's great.
Barbara: Yes, I had an ex who enjoyed being humiliated too. He used to dress up as a baby and clean my toilet.
Opposition team player: Nice kits. You dig 'em out a rubbish bin?
Boots: Yeah, the same one your mom left you in after you fell out of her arse.
Rebecca Lowe: Uh, I don't have this person listed on my notes.
Jill Scott: A mysterious interloper, shrouded in the beguiling intrigue of anonymity.
Ted: Hey, Gemma, my verdict is... Great goal.
Music
"Ladies First" by Queen Latifah (feat. Monie Love) (Plays when Alice Chilton is scouting players)
"Opening: I Hope I get it" by A Chorus Line Ensemble (Plays when women are lining up for open tryouts)
"Overture (The March from 'Stripes')" by Elmer Bernstein (Plays during the open tryouts)
"I Dreamed a Dream" by Susan Boyle (End credits music)
Notes and Trivia
Important character addition: Faye Marsay (Andor, Game of Thrones) steps in as center-back Lizzie Davis.
The Milk sisters make an appearance at the share holder's meeting. They are first mentioned (but never seen) in the season one episode, "Diamond Dogs" when Ted and Rebecca go to the Pub for a meetup with them.
Paloma Cinco's (who plays Maria Rohas) birth name is Paloma Fernández, and is the real-life sister of Cristo Fernández, who played Dani Rojas on the first three seasons of Ted Lasso.
Ted collects the women at the open tryouts and reads a passage from the poem "To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time" by English poet Robert Herrick. "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may." This is also mentioned in the film "Dead Poets' Society" when Robin Williams' character, Mr. Keating, advises his students to seize the moment.
Jamie Tartt's Absence: The fallout from Jamie’s departure to FC Barcelona continues to be a point of bitter contention for skeptical shareholders who feel his loss was due to resources are being siphoned away from the men's side.
Gemma decides to play for Richmond after watching Chloe Kelly's winning goal in Euro 2022. Meanwhile, Jill Scott, who played in that same final, now appears as commentator for the women's game.
Goofs
None
Locations
Details about common filming locations such as The Crown and Anchor Pub, The Dog Pound Stadium and The Richmond Greyhounds practise field
can be found here.
The scenes of the shareholders meeting were filmed at the Brent Civic Centre, Engineers Way, Wembley Park, London.
The library where Ted Lasso and Coach Alice Chilton track down law student and former football striker Gemma is located at The Honourable Society of Lincoln’s Inn, London, England.
Cast
| Starring | Jason Sudeikis | Ted Lasso |
| Starring | Hannah Waddingham | Rebecca Welton |
| Starring | Jeremy Swift | Leslie Higgins |
| Starring | Brett Goldstein | Roy Kent |
| Starring | Brendan Hunt | Coach Beard |
| Starring | Tanya Reynolds | Alice Chilton |
| Starring | Abbie Hern | Gemma Jay |
| Starring | Faye Marsay | Lizzie Davis |
| Starring | Jude Mack | Katie 'Boots' Quinn |
| Starring | Aisling Sharkey | Niamh Harrigan |
| Starring | Rex Hayes | Siobhan Harrigan |
| Starring (With) | Juno Temple | Keeley Jones |
| Guest Starring | Mercedes Assad | Margy El Sharif |
| Guest Starring | Annelise Heywood | Mady Song |
| Guest Starring | Shannon Hayes | Shannon |
| Guest Starring | Andrea Anders | Michelle Lasso |
| Guest Starring | Grant Feely | Henry Lasso |
| Guest Starring | Annette Badland | Mae Green |
| Guest Starring | Matteo van der Grijn | Matthijs |
| Guest Starring | Katy Wix | Barbara |
| Guest Starring | Adam Colborne | Baz Primrose |
| Guest Starring | Kevin Garry | Paul La Fleur |
| Guest Starring | Bronson Webb | Jeremy Blumenthal |
| Co-Starring | Elodie Blomfield | Phoebe |
| Co-Starring | Helen Schlesinger | Elaine Pinter |
| Co-Starring | Sofia Barclay | Dr. Jenni O'Sullivan |
| Co-Starring | Ed MacArthur | Peter |
| Co-Starring | Orion Ginsburg Chan | Archie |
| Co-Starring | Daniel Crespin | Delivery Guy |
| Co-Starring | Lauren Hendricks | Caroline Seaward |
| Co-Starring | Annie McGrath | P.J. |
| Co-Starring | Dempsey Bovell | Bert |
| Co-Starring | Toby Williams | Leo |
| Co-Starring | Robin Berry | Terrance |
| Co-Starring | Paloma Cinco | Maria Rojas |
| Co-Starring | Ellie Jadav | Kokoruda |
| Co-Starring | Remi Shorunke-Samuel | June |
| Co-Starring | Tommy Belshaw | Oliver |
| Co-Starring | Selom Awadzi | Adam |
| Co-Starring | Rebecca Lowe | Herself |
| Co-Starring | Jill Scott | Herself |
