S04E02 - Curiouser and Curiouser!

No: 36 | Season: 4 Episode: 2 | Air Date: 12-Aug-26 | Runtime: 47 mins

It's Guinness. That's a full meal. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Too bad you're coaching a bunch of girls, you wanker. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

It's got a little fork. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Whatever problems you might be having as a middle-aged man, I got you. Including bum stuff. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Most people think she's rude as shit. I think she's hilarious. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

You're being very strange. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

As my dad said, 'You can polish a turd, but all you're left with is a smaller turd and a rag that smells like dookie.' (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I'm excited about this new recipe. Better for your macros. No sugar. High protein. And instead of using butter, I used beef tallow. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

But a budget isn't a real thing. It's just a made-up number. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Has their cycle synced yet? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

From Mr. Gladstone. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I don't want people to see us together, so I'm in disguise. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I'm with Roy now. And he's very good to me. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

You got a goalkeeper not using gloves. That's a lot like a gravedigger using a spoon or a cereal enthusiast using a shovel. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I'm afraid that I'm losing someone. I thought we had something, but their heart is with another. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I'm thinking of becoming a vegan. Or Jewish. And all I know is that I want to eat less cheese. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I'd like something that tastes of cheese, but isn't cheese. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Am I allowed to drill holes in that? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

...Coach Beard misses Ted... (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I'm back, baby! (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Summary

Ted returns to Richmond to meet the Lady Greyhounds, but not everyone is glad to see him.

Director and Writers

Director: MJ Delaney
Writers: Leann Bowen

Blogs

Review: Ted Lasso S04E02 "Curiouser and Curiouser!" - A Reassuring Return to the Pitch that Launches a New Era

Quotes

Ted: Hey, thanks again for the accommodations upstairs. They're perfect and convenient.
Mae: Stay as long as you like 'cause the only other renters I get either have little yapping dogs or cocaine habits. Both are a pain in the arse at 4:00 in the morning. And after they check out, there's shit everywhere.

Ted: That's mighty kind of you, but I'm not really a morning beer person.
Mae: It's Guinness. That's a full meal.

Mr. Mann: Welcome back, Coach.
Ted: Thank you, sir.
Mr. Mann: Too bad you're coaching a bunch of girls, you wanker.

Rebecca: Good morning, Coach Chilton.
Alice Chilton: Based on what?

Keeley: Plus, you didn't just hire any man. You rehired Ted f**king Lasso.
Ted: My middle name is actually pronounced frickin'.

Rebecca: Ted, you don't seriously think I can eat smoked meat at nine o'clock in the morning, do you?
Ted: Actually I do.

Caroline: Caroline Seaward. Head physio for the women's team. But I'm not just here for the players. I'm here for you as well.
Ted: Okay.
Caroline: Whatever problems you might be having as a middle-aged man, I got you.
Ted: Great.
Caroline: Including bum stuff. Complete confidentiality.

Roy: You. Paddington f**king Bear.

Ted: How's that knee holding up?
Roy: Oh, fine. Why the f**k would something we use so f**king much be held together by ligaments the size of rubber bands?
Ted: I always figured God started up top, you know, working really hard on the brains and heart and stuff, but once he got past our privates, he just started phoning it in.

Roy: (Referring to Alice) Most people think she's rude as shit. I think she's hilarious.

Ted: I ain't studied something so hard since the liner notes of Licensed to Ill by the Beastie Boys.
Alice: I don't know what any of that means.
Ted: Well, then, allow me to be the first to encourage you to fight for your right to party.

Ted: As my dad said, "You can polish a turd, but all you're left with is a smaller turd and a rag that smells like dookie."

Alice: That's Mady and Margy. They've been a couple since training camp.
Ted: Yeah, you don't get a lot of that in men's football.
Alice: Not that you know of.

Alice: None of the big clubs will touch her.
Ted: Why is that?
Alice: She won't wear gloves.
Ted: Interesting. I wonder what the story is there, huh?
Alice: Don't know. She's a goalie, isn't she? They're all batshit.

Roy: I'm excited about this new recipe. Better for your macros. No sugar. High protein. And instead of using butter, I used beef tallow.
Rebecca: Wow. Who knew a biscuit could be so healthy and so heavy?

Ted: You get some new sunglasses?
Coach Beard: No, I don't want people to see us together, so I'm in disguise.

Ted: For a sport that asks you to be light on your feet, women's football sure does seem to have a lot of weight around it.

Coach Beard: So, how's Alice?
Ted: Coach Chilton? Yeah, she's good.
Coach Beard: Good. Good, good, good.
Ted: I mean, she can be kinda...
Coach Beard: She is kinda...
Ted: But you can be kinda...

Ted: You know I can't ask you to leave him.
Coach Beard: No. I know. I'm with Roy now. And he's very good to me.
Ted: I'm happy to hear that. And I mean, come on, this doesn't have to be weird, you know? We can still hang out.
Coach Beard: I'd like that.

Ted: Most athletes I know are always looking for every single little advantage. So, you know, you got a goalkeeper not using gloves. That's a lot like a gravedigger using a spoon or a cereal enthusiast using a shovel. Neither one's effective.
Alice: So, what? You're after her origin story, like Batman?
Ted: You like Batman, huh?
Alice: No, he's a fascist. I just know that every middle-aged man is obsessed with Batman.
Ted: Yeah, that's true. Probably 'cause of all the wearable tech.

Ted: Hey, Boots, so what's going on? You ain't ever wear gloves?
Boots: Well, I didn't as a kid, but then the academy made me wear them.
Ted: Uh-huh. And what? Made things worse?
Boots: No, it worked. It just felt like someone else was making the saves. You know, I couldn't feel the ball anymore.
Ted: I get that. Yeah, but don't it sting?
Boots: F**k yeah. But the sting is everything, isn't it? What's the point in life if you're not feeling it all? No, I'm no masochist, Coach, but when I go to the dentist, no novocaine. I don't drink. I don't use oven mitts. You know, if someone offers me earplugs at a concert, I pop them right in my mouth and eat them like candy.
Ted: You could just put them in your pocket.
Boots: Let me ask you, do you prefer with a condom or without?
Ted: Hmmm... well, I'ma go back.

Alice: So, what's her story?
Ted: You were right. Goalies are nuts.

Roy: All of these benches have one side shorter than the other.
Keeley: Why would you do that?
Roy: I booby-trapped it. Loads of teams do it to f**k with visiting teams' heads. Higher hooks make the players feel shorter, hotter temperatures make them sleepy. It's a respectable, long-standing tradition in football. But that shit's child's play. I wanna make the visitors feel like they're f**king hallucinating.

Keeley: It's a rat! Rat!
Roy: That's Jonathan. He's trained to run back and forth when the lights are on.
Keeley: Did you train a rat?
Roy: I didn't. He was the understudy rat in that f**king endless Harry Potter play I had to sit through with Phoebe.

Ted: Which one of the twins do you think was born first?
Alice: Who cares?
Ted: Well, in my experience, twins do. I went to middle school with these two fellas, Hank and Howie Rassmussen. Identical as all hell except for their temperaments. See, Howie had this big old chip on his shoulder 'cause Hank was born like 20 minutes before him. So growing up, anything that Hank did, Howie had to do it better.
Alice: Whatever this is, I don't like it.
Ted: I'm talking school, ping-pong, skipping stones, whatever it was, Howie was always a step ahead. Kept on through their entire lives, all the way through Hank becoming a doctor to Howie going to prison for burning down his twin brother's abortion clinic.
Alice: What is your point?
Ted: I think Siobhan's older.

Roy: Can I ask you something?
Keeley: Yeah.
Roy: I'm afraid that I'm losing someone. I thought we had something, but their heart is with another.
Keeley: Beard?
Roy: Yep. What would you do?
Keeley: I think keeping two people apart who belong together is bad. Not just for them, but for everybody.

Roy: You know this is the first time we've been alone together in three years.
Keeley: We are not alone. (Looks toward the rat)

Deborah: I'd like something that tastes of cheese, but isn't cheese.
Rebecca: Mother, why don't you just eat less cheese?
Deborah: I don't want to do some fad diet. I want to do this for a higher purpose.

Ted: I already found my assistant coach.
Alice: Who?
Ted: Well, she's from Lewisham, you know, working-class family. Was a skinny little whiz kid of a midfielder over there at the Arsenal Academy. Known for her work ethic and being a real B-I-T-C-H to the older players. We're talking captain material, you know, a superstar in the making. Until at 22, she tears the ACL in her left knee. Spent the whole year doing rehab. First game back, tears the other one. Two years after that, tears the left one again. Bringing her playing career to an end right then and there. But ain't no way that's the end of her story. 'Cause anybody strong enough to go through all that and, well, hell, smart enough to put together all this... and not only loves the sport of football but also, as I've seen with my own eyes, can care deeply for the women that play it... Shoot. Now there's a coach. And I got a hunch that story's just getting started. Hey, look. I know your heart was set outhe top job. And I sincerely hope you get everything you want and deserve. But until then, will you please stick around and help me out?

Coach Beard: I'm back, baby!

Higgins: It indicates a low chance of long-term viability for our women's team. Adding that if the investment is unsuccessful, it could potentially deal a significant blow to our men's program as well.
Rebecca: What would you do if you were me?
Higgins: Well, you know, my mum used to say that strong women stand up for themselves and stronger women stand up for others.
Rebecca: Thank you, Leslie.

Music

"Honky Cat" by Elton John (Opening scene music.)

"Ted Lasso Theme" by Marcus Mumford & Tom Howe (Opening credits music)

"You're the Inspiration" by Chicago (Plays in the background when Ted and Coach Beard meet at the Pub)

"When I Get My Hands On You" by The New Basement Tapes (Plays when Keeley and Roy are alone in the locker room)

"Clean Heart" by Perfume Genius (Plays in the background when the women visit their new locker room.)

"Sisters Are Doin' It for Themselves" by Eurythmics (End credits music)

Notes and Trivia

The title of the Ted Lasso Season 4 episode "Curiouser and Curiouser!" is a layered nod that ties a line from Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland to both a new character and one of Ted’s core philosophies. In the book, Alice famously exclaims “Curiouser and curiouser!” as the Wonderland world grows increasingly strange and disorienting. This connects to the newly introduced character Alice Chilton (the experienced coach who’s been building the side and is frustrated not to be named head coach). Finally, the title echoes Ted’s signature advice from earlier in the series: "Be curious, not judgmental."

The name of the assistant coach, Alice Chilton, may be an intentional musical nod and play on the name of cult-revered singer-songwriter Alex Chilton, frontman of The Box Tops and Big Star.

Coach Beard wears a fictional "Kansas City Sines" baseball cap, a reference to Jason Sudeikis' best friend Chris Sines from Kansas City.

Goofs

None

Locations

Details about common filming locations such as The Crown and Anchor Pub, The Dog Pound Stadium and The Richmond Greyhounds practise field can be found here.