S03E07 - The Strings That Bind Us

No: 29  |  Season: 3   Episode: 7  |  Air Date: 26-Apr-23  |  Runtime: 57 mins

Summary

The Greyhounds try a new strategy that has everyone thinking outside the box. Sam prepares to host a VIP guest at Ola's.

Director and Writers

Director: Matt Lipsey
Writers: Phoebe Walsh

Quotes

Coach Beard: At the 1974 World Cup, the tiny country of the Netherlands came out of nowhere and made it all the way to the World Cup Final, playing the home team, heavily favored Germany. Those Dutch hippies scored before the Germans even touched the ball.
Jan Maas: Yeah, but Holland lost that game.
Coach Beard: Correct. But along the way, they won the hearts of fans all around the world with a style of play... dare I say, a philosophy... called Total Football. Which, coincidentally, Coach dreamed up in a barbecue-sauce-related hallucination just last week.
Ted: No, it's true. But hey, it's not about me. Go on, keep shining.
Coach Beard: The best player on that team and the godfather of Total Football was this guy. Can anyone tell me who this is?
Isaac: That's Tim Robinson from I Think You Should Leave.
Coach Beard: No. It is Dutch football legend, Johan Cruyff.
Jan Maas: It's pronounced Cruijff.
Coach Beard: My apologies. With Total Football, Johan Cruijff...
Jan Maas: That's it.
Coach Beard: ...took his small club Ajax to three straight European titles. Now, he later became a coach, first at Ajax, and then he took Total Football to Barcelona, where he won the Spanish championship four years in a row. Now a central cog of that team was an industrious but brilliant midfielder named Josep Guardiola. AKA Pep.
Ted: Look at that head of hair. God had to take it away just to balance things out, you know?
Roy: Hmm.
Coach Beard: Pep became a coach as well, honing his own version of Total Football that he took to Barcelona and Bayern Munich, eventually landing at our great white whale, Manchester City. (players boo) Where he briefly coached a very talented young player... until that beautiful dum-dum quit to go do a reality show. (players laugh)
Jamie: I was robbed!
Coach Beard: Total Football is about constant movement. Players are no longer in set positions. Defenders are free to attack. Attackers are trusted to defend. It's about taking risks and supporting each other's choices.
Sam: Like when your friend wears something new and outside his comfort zone, and instead of ignoring it, everybody pays him a compliment. (players murmuring in agreement)
Colin: By the way, great hat, Ash.
Roy: It's pretty sweet. Hmm.
Ted: Yeah, it frames his face nicely.
Coach Beard: Exactly. Total Football is about letting go of your baggage and trusting your intuition. It's jazz. It's Motown. It's Mamet. It's Pinter. It's Einstein. It's Keurig. It's Gaga! It's my mother proudly displaying her vibrator on the bedside table! It's about throwing off the constraints put upon you by society and by yourselves! We all know football is life. But a beautiful life... is Total Football.

Roy: You turn those frowns upside down 'cause we're f?cking doing this. We're gonna drill it, we're gonna train it and then in a couple of months, we're taking Total Football to the f?cking pitch.
Ted: No, actually we're gonna do it this Saturday against Arsenal.
Roy: Well, that's f?cking mental.

Ted: Oh, hush your butts! Hush your butt! Let's go. come on. No, no, no. Ah, cool it. It's gonna be fine. I don't wanna hear it. Let's go, come on! I hear butts! Hush your butt, hush your butt, hush your butt. Gotta hush them butts. Isaac, come on, be a captain. Get that butt hushed. I don't wanna hear it, Van Damme. Hush your butt.

Nathan: Siri.
Siri: Yes, Wunderkind?
Nathan: How can you tell if a girl likes you or is just being nice to you?
Siri: You can't.

Coach Beard: So now I'm starting to get all these subtle, little hints from Jane. Like, certain magazines left on the coffee table and always hearing about her friends who are doing it.
Ted: Well, marriage is a big commitment, you know?
Coach Beard: No, I'm talking about pegging.
Ted: Oh. Well, still. (chuckles) Wait, what magazines?

Mae: We win, this place is packed. We lose, it's like this. (sighs)
Richard: I actually prefer it. You can finally hear yourself think in here.
Mae: F?ck off.

Baz: Hey, Lasso. We wanted to apologize.
Ted: What for?
Baz: For getting all soft on you.
Jeremy: Yeah, we humanized you and lost all objectivity.
Paul: Main reason why farmers don't name their livestock.
Jeremy: And why we don't learn the names of Baz's brother's girlfriends anymore.
Paul: Because he's a male wh?re.
Baz: Exactly. So we're gonna backslide a little bit. Now what the f?ck are you doing to our team, wank?r?

Ted: Why don't you come watch training tomorrow? See for yourselves. We ain't running a chocolate factory or Deutsche Bank. We got nothing to hide from y'all.

Coach Beard: Coach, you sure it's smart to invite fans to our practices?
Ted: It's their team. We're just borrowing it for a little while.

Ted: All right, my Merry Pranksters. If we're gonna play Total Football, there are four things we need to focus on. All right? Number one, conditioning. Y'all gotta get into even better shape. Number two, versatility. Number three, awareness. And number four... I don't know what that one is yet. But I know it's important.

Roy: Whistle! On your feet, maggots! (players muttering) Right. Today you're gonna run from end to end to end to end. But lucky for you, I'm in a good mood. So you've only gotta do that for the whole f?cking practice. Whistle!

Baz: Why doesn't he just use a whistle?
Jeremy: He's allergic to metal.
Paul: Football stars, they're just like us.

Rebecca: I think she might be love bombing you.
Keeley: She's "love what-ing" me?
Rebecca: Love bombing. That's when you're bombarded with expensive gifts and trips and grand gestures of love.

Rebecca: (To Keeley) I'm not saying that Jack is like Rupert. But sometimes shiny things can tarnish.

Server: Actually, the bill was already taken care of by Jack. She said she hopes you both enjoyed your meal.
Rebecca: What a massive surprise.
Keeley: Wow, yeah.
Rebecca: Well, then I think we ought to have some tiramisu. Don't you?
Keeley: Definitely.
Rebecca: Oh, and, uh, two bottles of the '34 Ch?teau Cheval Blanc Saint-Emilion Premier Grand Cru to go. And one for yourself.

Ted: Bumbercatch, did you just puke whole Cheerios?
Moe: Yes, Coach. I like to eat my breakfast without chewing. To conserve my energy in case an impending class war breaks out.

Jamie: Hey, Coach. Uh, there's been a mistake. I got me.
Ted: Oh, no, Jamie, that's not a mistake. We just figured you'd wanna keep doing what you do best for us. Playing striker and scoring goals, right?
Jamie: Uh, yeah.

Isaac: Coach, I ain't never taken a corner before.
Ted: No, I know. That's 'cause you were put into a box, Isaac. As a ten-year-old little boy with the strength and facial hair of a grown man. The box of a center back who was never allowed to take a corner kick. Well, my friend, that box ceases to exist today.

Trent Crimm: I just want to make sure I have this right. You're gonna change tactics at this stage in the season and replace it with a totally new method that the boys are clearly struggling to understand. And you think this is a good idea?
Ted: Mmm. Well, Trent, the way I see it, it's kind of like taking a hike with Robert Frost. It could go either way. Hmm?

Ted: Okay, any questions so far?
Jamie: Uh, yeah, Coach. What's with the red string?
Ted: Ah, great question. In Japanese culture, they have a myth where they believe that all soulmates are connected by an invisible red string. And those strings are attached to each of their little fingers. Hmm?
Jamie: Okay, so why is it tied around our dicks? (players muttering)
Ted: Yeah. Well, you know, that was Roy's idea. Uh, but I'm pretty sure the thought behind it is that it is nearly impossible to not be fully aware of what your teammate's doing when y'all got a rope tied around your dingdong. Am I right about that, Roy?
Roy: Yeah. Something like that.

Nathan: Would you like to go on a date with me?
Jade: Yes.
Nathan: Good. Good.

Roy: I've given this a lot of thought. Next time we do this drill, we tie multiple guys' dicks to one guy's d?ck. Yeah?
Coach Beard: That was a one-shot deal, Roy.
Ted: Yeah, I'm pretty sure we cooked that whole bird already, Coach.
Roy: Huh. Shame.

Trent Crimm: There is no number four?
Ted: Like the man once said, "Sometimes you gotta leave space to let God walk into the room."
Trent Crimm: Ah. So, number four is God?
Ted: Oh, no. I don't think so. Coach?
Coach Beard: I'm an atheist.
Ted: Mm-hmm. Roy?
Roy: I f?cking hope not.

Ola: My son, listen to me. Don't fight back. Fight forward.

Rebecca: At the beginning, Rupert bought me so many tulips for so long, his florist was able to buy a castle.
Keeley: What?
Rebecca: I mean, it was in Scunthorpe, but still. A castle.

Keeley: Well, I'm taking Jack out tonight. And if she tries to pay, then I will give her...
Rebecca: You'll give her what?
Keeley: Just the tip? (both chuckle)

Arlo: Richmond have been mired in a run of poor form, and you have to applaud Ted Lasso's efforts to try something new. But this... What's the word I'm looking for, Chris?
Chris: "Sucks," Arlo. The word is "sucks."

Mae: It's over. We're gonna get relegated again, and I'm gonna have to go back to filling the sausages with cardboard.

Ted: I remember back in the early days of my coaching career, feeling compelled to express my individuality. Since I was a straight fella in Middle America working in sports and I was scared of tattoo needles, the only real option for me to do so was through my facial hair. And, uh, obviously I couldn't grow a beard. Otherwise, Coach and I here would, uh, look like a ZZ Top cover band.
Roy: Would've been called "Sharp Dressed Men."
Ted: Ooh, that's nice.
Roy: God, I hate what you've f?cking done to me.
Ted: Luckily, around that time there was this quartet of stand-up comedians known as the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. And along with their observational humor, fun banter and numerous catchphrases, they also possessed the four most common types of facial hair. Now, Ron White, who was my favorite, he was clean-shaven. That's one way to go. But then you had Larry the Cable Guy, and he had himself a big old, bushy goatee. (stammers) And Bill Engvall, he also had a goatee actually. But it was, um, you know, smaller and, uh, more manicured. Not touching the sides here.
Coach Beard: Also known as a Vandyke.
Ted: Thank you, Coach. And then you had Jeff Foxworthy of course, who, uh, had a mustache. So, check it out. I went ahead and rolled the dice and grew myself one of them big, bushy Cable Guy goatees. And I thought I looked great. Until Coach Beard here took me aside, right as I was about to walk down the aisle, and told me something I needed to hear. Remember what you said to me?
Coach Beard: "Your goatee makes it look like you ate out bigfoot's butthole."
Ted: That's right.
Roy: AKA "ass-squatch."
Ted: You're on fire.
Roy: Make it stop.
Ted: No, no. Coach was right though. Not a good look. Not on this face. So I shaved that puppy down right into a Foxworthy, and I never looked back. Point is, a lot of times the right idea is just sitting behind a couple of the wrong ones. Yeah?

Jamie: I ain't doing it wrong. You're doing it wrong.
Players: Whoa!
Jamie: I mean... I mean... No, I mean, I think we're all doing it wrong. (stammers) If we want this to work, you gotta stop going to me and start playing through me. You get me?

Jamie: I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be playing forward. I should be here, in the center. I should be here, right? Let Dani go up front. Move Colin over there. Richard there. So, stop going to me, right? And start going through me. All right? That's Total Football.

Dani: And there it is. Numero cuatro. Sacrifice. Putting aside personal glory on behalf of the team.
Ted: Ooh. I like that. But that ain't number four.

Trent Crimm: Ted. It's going to work.
Ted: Great. What is?
Trent Crimm: Total football.
Ted: Okay. Why?
Trent Crimm: And I'll tell you why. The Lasso way. You haven't switched tactics in a week.
Ted: I haven't?
Trent Crimm: No. You've done this over three seasons.
Ted: I have?
Trent Crimm: Yes. By slowly but surely building a club-wide culture of trust and support through thousands of imperceptible moments, all leading to their inevitable conclusion. Total Football.
Ted: Well, how about that.

Roy: (Referring to Trent Crimm) What a f?cking dork.
Ted: Yeah. But he's our dork.

Jack: (To Keeley) You little love bomber.

Colin: Bumbercatch is trying to fix your sign.
Moe: Neon signs are just a bunch of illuminated, gas-discharge tubes. So I thought I'd give it a shot. Screwdriver.

Music

"Dreams" by The Cranberries (Opening)

"Sometime in the Morning" by The Monkees (Nathan returns to Taste of Athens.)

"Rocks" by Primal Scream (Keeley and Rebecca meet for dinner)

"What Would I Do Without You?" by Ray Charles (Sam enters his restaurant.)

"Shoegaze" by Alabama Shakes (Keeley finds flowers in her office)

"Centerfield" by John Fogerty (Players practice with strings)

"You've Really Got a Hold On Me" by The Miracles (Keeley is late for her date with Jack)

"Doomed" by Moses Sumney (Sam finds his restaurant trashed)

"The Great Escape Theme" by Elmer Bernstein (Players in the locker room)

"Alright" by Supergrass (Preparing for the Arsenal game)

"Find Someone Like You" by Snoh Aalegra (Nathan waits for his date to arrive)

"Enjoy" by Tekno (End Credits)

Notes and Trivia

The opening scene makes a reference to the scene in the film "You've Got Mail" as both scenes feature the song "Dreams" by The Cranberries while opening shops are being shown along the street, people carrying flowers, and others drinking coffee.

In scene in the locker room where Ola (Sam's father) tugs on his earlobes is a reference to S01E02 - "Biscuits" where Sam said "My dad always used to pinch my earlobes for good luck."

When Ted says "It's kind of like taking a hike with Robert Frost. It could go either way" he is referring to Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken."

Goofs

None

Locations

Details about common filming locations such as The Crown and Anchor Pub, The Dog Pound Stadium and The Richmond Greyhounds practise field can be found here.

The streetside cafe where Keeley and Jack meet is located at the Oli & Ben Yummery, Richmond, London. (Google Maps)

The location where Nathan and Jade have their date was "Tapas Brindisa Richmond," 5 Whittaker Ave, Richmond.

Cast

StarringJason SudeikisTed Lasso
StarringHannah WaddinghamRebecca Welton
StarringJeremy SwiftLeslie Higgins
StarringPhil DunsterJamie Tartt
StarringBrett GoldsteinRoy Kent
StarringBrendan HuntCoach Beard
StarringNick MohammedNathan Shelley
StarringAnthony HeadRupert Mannion
StarringToheeb JimohSam Obisanya
StarringCristo FernandezDani Rojas
StarringKola BokinniIsaac McAdoo
StarringBilly HarrisColin Hughes
StarringJames LanceTrent Crimm
Starring (With)Juno TempleKeeley Jones
Guest StarringNonso AnozieOla Obisanya
Guest StarringAnnette BadlandMae
Guest StarringAdam ColborneBaz
Guest StarringBronson WebbJeremy
Guest StarringKevin 'KG' GarryPaul
Guest StarringKaty WixBarbara
Guest StarringEdyta BudnikJade
Guest StarringJodi BalfourJack Danvers
Co-StarringMoe Jeudy-LamourThierry Zoreaux
Co-StarringStephen ManasRichard Montlaur
Co-StarringMoe HashimMoe Bumbercatch
Co-StarringDavid ElsendoornJan Maas
Co-StarringCharlie HiscockWill Kitman
Co-StarringArlo WhiteHimself
Co-StarringChris PowellHimself
Co-StarringPrecious MustaphaSimi
Co-StarringSpencer JonesDerek
Co-StarringBola AkejuFaridah
Co-StarringLucy BaylerBrinda Barot
Co-StarringPeter LandiLloyd
Co-StarringNeelam BakshiMaria
Co-StarringKaren JohalNicole
Co-StarringPeter RethinasamyAli
Co-StarringDaya NandaSophia
Co-StarringMitra DjaliliChloe
Co-StarringDarren StrangeDan
Co-StarringOmar IbrahimJonny
Co-StarringSarah JunillonAddison
Co-StarringMartin BishopRichard