S03E08 - We'll Never Have Paris

No: 30 | Season: 3 Episode: 8 | Air Date: 3-May-23 | Runtime: 54 mins

Nothing's impossible. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

The Hall of Mirrors at Linderhof Palace in Germany, because if she agreed, I'd be surrounded by a thousand yeses. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Ted, I ran down the stairs for this and up some other stairs. I'm gonna have leg cramps in my sleep tonight. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

If anything, you should find out before you flip out. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I guess it's just us then. Uh, for the very first meeting of the... Drumroll, please. Love Hounds. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I read this book that said, "If you like a woman, you should insult her." (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Oh, please. The Eiffel Tower is just a lamppost with a publicist. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I didn't know Oscar Wilde was dead. Some of his quotes feel so modern, so of our time. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I didn't wanna wake you, so I went out and did some cheeky retail therapy. I loved it so much, I didn't want to take it off. What do you think? (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

He saw me, Dad. He saw me. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Well, you might be a great golfer, but I happen to be a really great cheater. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

You have a great mom and dad, and they love you tons, even though it's weird they live in different countries. And I know right now it feels like you're in a sad song. But you, young man, you have the power to take a sad song and make it better. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

You need to stop letting yesterday get in the way of today, Ted. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

(Singing) Na na na nananana, nannana, hey Jude... (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I love your smile. I like to see my boyfriend happy. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

I should have picked a stronger password or something. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Keeley: Oh, no. Don't tell me your password was "password." Jamie. Jamie: Yeah. Well, to be fair, I did think I'd fool 'em 'cause I spelled it with two S's. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

(Song plays) "Tout doux tout doucement" by Marcel Amont. (Ted Lasso/Warner Media)

Summary

While watching Henry, Ted fights the urge to spiral when Michelle and Dr. Jacob go on a romantic trip. An online leak has massive implications for Keeley.

Director and Writers

Director: Erica Dunton
Writers: Keeley Hazell & Dylan Marron

Quotes

Ted: I'll take face-to-face time over FaceTime anytime.

Ted: Still feels weird to me, you know? (chuckles) Like whenever I hear white folks call Jay-Z "Jigga man," you know?
Michelle: Or like when you see a priest wearing shorts.
Ted: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Weird, you know? Or when you get pulled over by a cop who's the same age as you. You're like, "Come on, man, be cool. What we doing here?" You know?

Mae: (Whispered to Ted) Nothing's impossible.

Keeley: The one time I've been on a horse was for a photo shoot years ago. Horse was so dr?g up that it could've been the guitarist in the s?x Pistols.

Roy: Is this a game or child labor?
Trent: In late-stage capitalism, what's the difference?
Coach Beard: Word.

Ted: Hey, fellas, let me ask you something. If you could propose to someone, you know, a-anywhere in the world, w-where... where would you do it?
Roy: Paris.
Coach Brard: The Hall of Mirrors at Linderhof Palace in Germany, because if she agreed, I'd be surrounded by a thousand yeses. Or Paris. Why?

Roy: Do you wanna talk about it?
Ted: Yes, I do. Diamond Dogs, mount up!
Roy: (groans) Never f?cking mind.

Coach Beard: Coach, you have the floor.
Ted: Dr. Jacob and Michelle are getting engaged.
Higgins: Ooh. It's a hard moment when an ex moves on. Did he at least ask your permission?
Ted: Well, I'm her ex-husband, not her current father. So, no, he... No.
Coach beard: How did you find out?
Ted: He took her to Paris. Can you believe that?
Roy: That's it?
Coach Beard: Unbelievable. (sighs)
Higgins: What? Uh, Ted, I ran down the stairs for this and up some other stairs. (inhales deeply) I'm gonna have leg cramps in my sleep tonight.

Trent: Ted. You can't worry about something that hasn't happened yet.
Higgins: Ooh, what he said. If anything, you should find out before you flip out.

Nathan: I guess it's just us for the very first meeting of the... Drumroll, please. Love Hounds. (howls, chuckles) (stammers) I thought that we... we men could, uh, get together whenever we needed, every now and then, and just talk and help each other out with how things are going on in our personal lives.
Roger: Okay. Well, I'd love to talk about the stresses of taking care of my aging parents.
Nathan: (stammers) Yeah, I'll start. Um, so I... I've started seeing this girl, and it's going real well. I really like her. She's great. Um, but she's hesitant to label our relationship, and I don't know whether to give her space or whether to let her know just how strongly I feel about us being together. (breathes deeply) Disco, would you, uh... Do you got any thoughts or...
Disco: I've been divorced three times. (sighs) Never let them know how you feel. It's very expensive.
Roger: Okay. I re... I read this book that said, "If you like a woman, you should insult her."
Nathan: Okay, this meeting's over, and it'll probably never happen again.

Rebecca: Oh, please. The Eiffel Tower is just a lamppost with a publicist.

Ted: I didn't know Oscar Wilde was dead. Some of his quotes feel so modern, so of our time.

Barbara: Jack asked me to give you this.
Keeley: Ooh, what is it?
Barbara: It's... It's a statement.
Keeley: Oh. (reading) "Allow me to first offer my sincere apologies. I deeply regret that video that some of you have seen online. I'm beyond embarrassed, and I should have never made this video in the first place." "I hope you can forgive me while I learn and grow."
Barbara: Jack thought you could post it across your socials. But maybe not Facebook, 'cause that's just for, um, grandparents and racists now, isn't it?

Colin: Hey, hey, Jamie? Jamie? Can I get some Lynx?
Jamie: Yeah, sure, mate. What's your pit flavor? I've got Epic Fresh, Sport Recharge, Java, Africa, Ice Chill, Gold, Excite, Black, Dark Temptation and Leather and Cookies.
Colin: Leather and Cookies, please.
Jamie: Smart choice for a smart boy.

Colin: Hey, hold on. Once someone sends you a photo, don't you own it?
Jan Maas: Hmm, copyright law on private photography is quite murky.

Keeley: I tried to watch the video this morning, and immediately, boom, I was right back to being 15 again, reliving that moment where this topless photo I took for Jimmy Daniels was being passed around at school.
Rebecca: Ugh. Teenage boys can be awful.
Keeley: Mr. Daniels was my teacher. Oh. Well, men who act like teenage boys actually are awful. (chuckles)
Keeley: I'm not an idiot. I know there are tons of topless photos of me online. But those were my choice.
Rebecca: Absolutely. It makes a huge difference. Is there anything I can do to help?
Keeley: Restructure society so women aren't constantly sexualized while simultaneously being crucified for being s?xual?

Rebecca: You know, there might be a silver lining in all this. Just think of how many young women you are going to teach how to mast?rbat? properly.

Richard: Also, French sisters. (sighs) Spanish twins. (voice breaks) Mom and daughter in Mexico. Ah. I'll miss you all. (sighs) Merci.

Roy: You okay?
Keeley: All things considered, yeah. Yeah.
Roy: Good. Good.
Keeley: And you?
Roy: Oh, me, yeah, I'm... I'm good. Who was it for?
Keeley: What?
Roy: The video. Who was it for?

Henry: We're starting a band.
Ted: Starting a band? Really? All right. What instrument are you gonna play?
Henry: Drums.
Ted: Okay. Well, your mom's gonna love that. You know what? Now might be a good time to let you know that Dave Grohl learned to play drums on pillows. We don't have to tell your mom that though right away.

Jack: This is Alyssa. We went to uni together.
Keeley: Oh.
Jack: And this is my friend, Keeley Jones.

Mae: What have you three been up to today?
Henry: We went to the West Ham game.
Mae: Then you don't drink in this pub.

Coach Beard: You know what this song's about?
Henry: Someone named Jude.
Coach Beard: Not just someone. A little boy named Jude. And one day his mom and dad decided to break up. Hmm, you know, get divorced. And that made Jude real, real sad. Now, Jude's dad had a best friend, and that best friend was real worried about Jude and all his sad feelings. So he wrote him this song, hoping that, well, the words might help him somewhere down the road.
Henry: The long and winding road?
Coach Beard: Hey, Henry. You have a great mom and dad, and they love you tons, even though it's weird they live in different countries. And I know right now it feels like you're in a sad song. But you, young man, you have the power to take a sad song and make it better.
Henry: Oh, I like that. Yeah, me too. But you know what the best thing about this song is?
Henry: What? (busker hits high note)
Coach Beard: This! (busker singing chorus) (all sing along)

Jade: Didn't you win today?
Nathan: Oh, yeah. But... No. Uh... That's okay though. Already working on the next one, so...
Jade: You should enjoy your victories. (sighs) It looks like they did. (pointing at photo of Coach Beard, Ted and Henry at the game) (Nathan Smiles) There it is.
Nathan: What?
Jade: I love your smile. I like to see my boyfriend happy.
Nathan: Boyfriend. Hmm.

Keeley: Jamie, this is not your fault.
Jamie: No, it... it is my fault. And let... Let me just... I just need to tell you. I deleted it off my phone way back when we broke up. I deleted everything. I mean, not straightaway, 'cause... (stammers) ...I did think that you and me was maybe gonna get back together again. But then you started going out with Roy, and that's when I deleted most of it. Well, like, half. But that was mostly out of anger, to be honest. Because, well... (stammers)...I think... I thought the only reason that the two of you was going out was to make me jealous. But... Uh... (inhales deeply) Then I saw it was real, and then... Then I... then I got rid of it all. I just forgot about the f?cking emails. It's so stupid. I should have been more careful. I should have picked a stronger password or something.
Keeley: Oh, no. Don't tell me your password was "password," Jamie.
Jamie: Yeah. Well, to be fair, I did think I'd fool 'em 'cause I spelled it with two S's.

Michelle: Did you have fun with your dad?
Henry: Yeah. He's gonna buy me a drum kit.
Michelle: Oh, is he really?

Michelle: You know, Dave Grohl learned to play drums on pillows.

Music

"My Ever Changing Moods" by The Style Council (Opening scenes)

"Criminal " by Fiona Apple (Background music on Keeley's video)

"Strangers" by The Kinks (As players delete photos from their phones)

"Mistakes" by Sharon Van Etten (Keeley and Jack discuss lawyer's statement)

"Grand Illusion" by Lily Kershaw (Jade and Nathan share a moment)

"Tout doux tout doucement" by Marcel Amont (End Credits)

Notes and Trivia

The episode title is a reference to a quote from the film "Casablanca". The quote is "We'll always have Paris".

This episode was co-written by Keeley Hazell (who also plays Rupert's wife, Bex). It should be noted that Hazell had an experience where her own sex tape was leaked. Also, she is reported to be a good friend of Jason Sudeikis.

When Ted ponders if there are three Parises in Ohio, he was right as there are in fact three townships in Ohio called Paris, located in Portage County, Stark County and Union County.

Keeley's polka dot dress and hat she buys to impress Jack are closely reminiscent of a similar dress and hat worn by Julia Roberts in the movie "Pretty Woman."

The busker playing "Hey Jude" is Danish artist Alex Vargas. YouTube

Ted is reading "The Breakfast Club Adventures" by Marcus Rashford to Henry. Rashford is a football player who plays for Manchester United.

Goofs

None

Locations

Details about common filming locations such as The Crown and Anchor Pub, The Dog Pound Stadium and The Richmond Greyhounds practise field can be found here.